The Lone Ranger..................Is Me.

Just for the record: one by one everyone is vanishing off to another country. I'm starting to get the feeling of loneliness. I wonder when I'll get to visit my family in Indo; of course I want to make a stop for Hajj first- my first destination before anywhere else in the world. Sometimes I feel so lonely that I could cry. My folks just live 10 minutes away, but I can't go over there everyday, can't go out everyday. I've learned that when you're living with the in-laws it's not good to make day-trips and go out everyday, or else the mother-in-law will talk and blab.....and blab some more.

I need to patch things up with my Creator. I have sins that need forgiving. We all have sins, I know that. But I will be accountable for MY sins and nobody else's. This is probably why things aren't going so well. There is a hadith/saying from the Prophet (peace be upon him) that "our sins are delaying our Rizq (sustenance)". Which is true and understandable.

Last wednesday I forgot to see my aunty and cousins off to Indo, not because I forgot they were going- get this: because I FORGOT THAT IT WAS WEDNESDAY!! They're gonna think that I decided NOT to go to the airport to see them off. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH MY MIND?!?! Has that ever happened?? And I didn't get to see off my other aunty, who was going to Hajj, because they had to leave the house @ 5am and they were boarding @ 8.30am. I couldn't go because it meant I had to go to the airport around 6am, there was nobody to take me........oh, how I wanted to cry! I had no other choice but to call her and her husband a safe journey there and back (God Willing). Still, I felt bad for not being there. And now, it'll be my parents' turn to take off to Indo on the 31st December (God Willing). LET'S HOPE I WON'T FORGET THAT!! After that, the only people that I can count are: my brother, my other brother and his wife, my other aunty (my mum's cousin), and my hubby. Not to mention that my son's birthday is coming up on the 3rd January; only I won't call it a birthday party, I'll call it a "Thanksgiving", to thank Allah Almighty for letting my son live to see his 1st year. If we end up having that gathering for him my heart won't be in it, 'cuz most of my family won't be here. But I'll keep a chin up just for the little guy.

Blogging is fantastic! I feel a little better getting all that off my chest. It took the load off. *sigh*
Good night.

~Peace.