Wa-Thak'ker (And Remind)

Weekly reminders that I receive in my email. Just thought it'll be a useful reminder for you too.

Salaams.

In Islam everything is given its proper time and place. There is time for laughter, time for anger, time for happiness and time for crying.

The strangest expression for us at the moment is crying. But crying is an expression that the Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him) did many times, so it could never be strange. And we have to cry like the Prophet cried.
The great man was sinless. He was forgiven for all his sins; past, present and future and still would cry so much. Now let's look at ourselves, who don't have the safety the Prophet had, who sin so much like mountains, who are so short with our obedience to Allah - when was the last time you cried?
When was the last time you cried from the fear of Allah? Unfortunately we cry from a sad movie, lost a portion of this dunya or something trivial.

Crying (for the right reasons) is encouraged in Islam. We find it in the Qur'an in Surat Maryam. After mentioning Maryam's story and so many prophets - Easa, Zackariah, Ibrahim etc. He wraps it all up with a common trait: "Whenever the Signs of (Allah) Most Gracious were rehearsed to them, they would fall down in prostration adoration and crying in tears."

Things that made Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) cry and should make us cry:

• Recitation of the Qur'an


• Remembering the two great things - hellfire and paradise


• Making du'a (supplication)


• Fear and love for the 'Ummah


• Sake of the da'wah


• Day of Judgement


• Being thankful to Allah.

All the above stem from being conscious of and fearing Allah.

We should all make that a goals of ours and ask Allah to make us emotionally attached to him where we can cry in private from his remembrance. It's about sincerity and effort and, Allah willing, He will gift us that precious moment.

~Peace.

Seeking Your Provisions (Rizq)

At any Muslim family gathering, a favourite topic (amongst the men at least) is how best to go about accumulating more wealth. When in attendance at such gatherings, I have often been advised, which stocks and shares to invest in or which riba (interest) based mortgages to enter into. Ironically, those advising me to commit flagrant transgressions against Allah (swt) in an attempt to become more wealthy, were Muslims!

Islam teaches us that a man should go and earn his living, and this is a noble act in the eyes of Allah (swt). Most of us have several responsibilities, be they to our parents, our children, or both. There are always bills to pay.


Rizq

We know through the forewarning of Allah (swt) that we must use only allowed (halal) means in the pursuit of wealth. Why then do some Muslims persist in pursuing their wealth through prohibited (haram) means? Much can be attributed to man’s weakness, and desire for immediate gratification and comfort, which lead to his short sightedness. In turn much of this weakness is attributable to a weakness in understanding certain concepts from Islam, and the widely misunderstood concept of rizq.

How many times have we come across a Muslim man who does not go to pray jumuah salat on Friday although it is an obligation on him. His argument is “if I go to jumuah, , I may not be seen as a hard worker so I may loose my job. If I loose my job, I will not be able to provide for my family.” So his misunderstanding about the source of his provisions has lead him to disobey Allah (swt) by missing jumuah prayers.


Rizq is from Allah
Allah (swt) said:

“Say: ‘Truly my Lord enlarges the provision (rizq) for whom He will of His slaves, and (also) restricts (it) for him, and whatever you spend of anything (in Allah’s cause), He will replace it. And He is the best of providers’” [TMQ Saba: 39].

It is part of the aqeedah (belief) of a Muslim that his sustenance and wealth (his rizq) is given to him by Allah (swt). One of Allah’s names is Ar-Razzaq or The Provider. Rizq includes everything provided by way of provision or nurture, including both monetary wealth, food and any sustenance. The references to rain, and fruit in some ayahs of Qur’an that talk about rizq, demonstrate that the concept of rizq is more general than gold, silver or money alone, but encompasses all provision.


Rizq is fixed

Another crucial point to understanding rizq is that it is fixed in its amount. That is the rizq for each and every human has already been decreed by Allah (swt).

Ibn Mas’ud narrated that Allah’s Messenger (saw) said to his wife Umm Habiba: “Verily you have asked Allah about the duration of life already set, and the steps you would take, and the sustenance the share of which is fixed. Nothing will take place before its due time, and nothing will be deferred beyond when it is due.” [Muslim].

These two concepts from the Islamic aqeedah (belief) mark a believer as being distinctive from the kuffar. The belief that his wealth is provided by Allah is in conflict with the widely held belief that it is the individual through his own efforts or job who provides rizq for himself. Secondly this allocation is fixed and unchangeable despite our efforts to increase it. This is also a distinct view. Together they provide a variety of unique effects.

Muslims believe in rizq because it is contained in the miraculous text of the Qur’an and explained in the sunnah of Allah’s Messenger, as well as it being something we can appreciate by studying the reality around us. Some confusion may arise when attempting to understand its application in everyday life, after all a hot shot financial analyst surrounded by all the trappings of 21st century life has so much wealth because of his work and his pay cheque, as compared to a lowly farmer in the developing world and his humble surroundings. Actually it is perfectly demonstrable that the difference in rizq is beyond the control of man and is the work of divine providence.


What we control

It is easily understood that there is a sphere in which men have been granted control by Allah (swt) i.e. our words and our chosen actions. It is also self evident that there is a sphere which is beyond the influence of man, and which Allah as the Master of creation controls all - the weather, if a flipped coin lands heads or tail - so called ‘luck’, and generally everything man has no control over.

People often confuse the circumstances by which we attain our rizq with the actual of cause of rizq. If these circumstances such as our profession were the true causes of rizq then they should not fail in producing a particular amount of rizq, but it can clearly be seen that they do not guarantee the rizq. These circumstances may exist but the individual for some reason doesn’t gain the expected income. On the other hand someone may be uneducated, unemployed and poor but becomes a millionaire overnight for some reason such as winning a competition, inheriting wealth, etc. If circumstances such as status, education and profession were determining factors of rizq then this would not be the case.

An employee might work for a whole month but he is prevented from his expected income due to settling a previous debt, or spending money on those whose maintenance he is obliged to provide, or by paying taxes. In such a situation, the circumstance which brings the provision (i.e. the employee's work), the rizq was not obtained since he did not get his wages. On the other hand, there might be someone in his house in tower hamlets, to whom the postman brings the news that so and so relative of his in America has died, leaving him as the sole inheritor, and that all of his wealth will pass into his hands. This rizq came to him even though he didn’t imagine it ever becoming so wealthy.

Wealth can come to us in many ways and leave us in many ways. One may inherit wealth, or find it - like hidden treasure in a pirate story or a ten pound note on the street. One may be made redundant, or be given a raise, robbed of all one’s wealth by a highwayman or conned by a grifter. These are only a few scenarios from a long list of possibilities that happen to people every day, some unable to gain the income they worked for and others obtaining wealth without working for it. Therefore the circumstances in which rizq is obtained are as a rule, conditions of rizq and not its causes.

Simply put, it is not within our control to choose how wealthy we are, otherwise we could all will ourselves to be millionaires and own properties in Mayfair. This does not mean we go to the extreme of leaving our work and obligation to ourselves and our family as this would be disobeying the laws of Allah (swt). Rather we do the best actions we can (as providence usually favours the prepared), but with the firm belief that provision is from Allah (swt) alone. The Prophet (saw) advised a man, “Tie the camel and trust in Allah”.

This teaches us that we need to look after the means within our control but must continuously trust in Allah (swt). Islam doesn’t promote fatalism or laziness, it was narrated that Umar bin Al-Khattab (ra) passed by some people, who were known as readers of the Qur’an. He saw them sitting and bending their heads, and asked who they were. He was told: "They are those who depend (al-mutawwakiloon) upon Allah (SWT)." Umar replied: "No, they are the eaters who eat the people’s properties. Do you want me to describe those who really depend upon Allah (al-mutawwakiloon) are?" He was answered in the affirmative, and then he said: "He is the person who throws the seeds in the earth and depends on His Lord The Almighty, The Exalted (‘azza wa jalla)."


In difficult times

A Muslim must always rely upon Allah (swt), this belief gives the believer the strength to overcome difficulties. Someone with the correct understanding that his provision is from Allah (swt), will trust fully in Allah (swt) to provide for him especially when times are difficult.

Allah (swt) said: “Allah increases the provision (rizq) for whom he wills, and straitens (it from whom He wills), and they rejoice in the life of the world, whereas the life of this world as compared with the hereafter is but a brief passing enjoyment” [TMQ Ar-Ra’d: 26].

So if times are difficult the true believer sees it as a test from Allah (swt), and it is He (swt) who will provide what is due. We take heed in what the ayah states that the life of this world “…is but a brief passing enjoyment.”

Confronted with difficult times, another may be tempted in desperation to resort to prohibited (haram) means such as stealing, fraud or taking out an interest bearing loan. There is no such temptation for the steadfast believer who understands that his rizq is from Allah (swt) and he just needs to go out and try his best to earn it in a permitted (halal) way.

The prohibited choices are many, stocks and shares in PLC companies, prohibited mortgages to become landlords or other usurious means, many of which Muslims have delved into, to their great loss.

One failure is the failure to understand their rizq comes from Allah (swt) alone. In believing they have increased their allotment through their choice they are actually deceived, because the only matter they controlled was their choice to do something forbidden and hateful in the eyes of Allah (swt) or not. We should realise that the rizq allotted by Allah (swt) for us will come to us whether we undertake haram or halal actions to obtain it, it is our loss if we follow the path towards jahannam (hell fire) chasing after wealth which has been predestined for us. The great scholar Nu’man ibn Thabit, otherwise known as Abu Hanifah explained this point when he asked a thief why he is stealing from his own rizq i.e. stealing to obtain something which he would come to him anyway.


Value of wealth

One final quality of the believer who has understood rizq in its correct context, is the small value he places upon his wealth, or rather the value he places upon it is of a different type. He knows it is a burden, he knows his provision is fixed and that Allah (swt) will provide for him so there is no need to fear in spending his wealth freely in a righteous manner, as these deeds will benefit him in the hereafter whereas the material wealth he accumulates and the items he has bought with them and covets will not.

A pure understanding, well thought out and free from doubt, of key notions like rizq, the value of deeds and the insignificance of this dunya (wordly life), causes a believer to be freed from the struggle to accumulate wealth to purchase the next best thing and places his focus upon actions instead. It will also produce an individual who sticks to the shariah rules when obtaining wealth and someone who is characterised with generosity, actively seeking useful ways to spend or invest his wealth which will benefit him through earning Allah’s pleasure. Compare this to the struggle of most people to save for a faster car, a bigger house, or the finest fashions.

“Verily Allah provides sustenance to whom He wills.” [TMQ al-Imran: 37]

The Duties of Brotherhood In Islam

"Surely the believers are but brothers. So set things right between your two brothers, and be aware of God- perhaps you will obtain mercy". (Quran 49:10)

Man is lonely today, as he never was. You live in a crowded world; you are tied into an intricate network of social links and bonds; like a tiny atom, you are whirling around in the company of a multitude of others like you, acting and interacting with each other; yet, you are 'lonely'. 'Loneliness' is one of those 'gifts' which modern secularist and technological civilisation has bestowed upon you. For your bonds, however numerous have been drained of warmth; your links, however sophisticated, have turned mechanical; the entire network of your social relationships has become an abstract mosaic, devoid of life and intensity. And with what consequences - alienation, personality disturbance, emotional distress, a high crime rate and empty lives.

Unless the human bonds are again infused with affection and the warmth of love and brotherhood, man will never be able to taste the rich joys and pleasures of living together. It is this blessing of love and brotherhood which is one of the greatest sources of sustenance and nourishment for man- spiritually, morally, intellectually, socially and even physically. The 'lonely' man- a product of our age- is wandering in search of bonds which will not snap like dry twigs and leave him in the lurch.

One of the greatest blessings of Islam is it's admirable success in creating strong, warm, rich and durable bonds of love and brotherhood between man and man. It has done so on the basis of faith in one God, tawhid; but it has also inspired man to follow a pattern of behaviour which will sustain and strengthen mutual brotherhood.

Therefore, let us familarise ourselves with the contract of brotherhood. A contract that is a bond between two persons, like the contract of marriage between two spouses. For just as marriage gives rise to certain duties which must be fulfilled when it is entered into, so does the contract of brotherhood confer upon your brother a certain right touching your property, your person, your tongue and your heart-by way of forgiveness, prayer, sincerity, loyalty, relief and considerateness. In all, according to Al-Ghazalli's treatise on, 'The duties of brotherhood', comprises of eight duties, these being the material assistance duty, personal aid duty, duties of holding one's tongue, speaking out, forgiveness, prayer, loyalty and sincerity and informality.

Over the coming weeks inshAllah our weekly bulletin will cover the eight duties of brotherhood beginning with the first duty of material assistence.

The Prophet SAW said, "None of you truly believes until he wishes for his brother what he wishes for himself"' (An-Nawawi's Fourty Hadith)

One of the most important teachings of Islam is brotherhood for the sake of Allah. It is with this intention of infusing love and brotherhood that we present the following treatise, "The Duties of Brotherhood in Islam," written by Imam al-Ghazzali (R). The treatise comes from the second quarter of Ihya'. Imam Abu Hamid Muhammad ibn Muhammad al-Tusi al-Shafi'i al-Ghazzali (R) was born in 1058 at Tus in Persia, and lived till 1111 C.E. This was the time when the Abbasid Caliphate was falling. The Seljuk Turks in the North and the Fatimids in the South began to play leading roles. There was also a great deal of antagonism between all these factions. It was during this critical period that he wrote Ihya' ulum al-din.

It was the custom of early Muslims following the example of the Prophet (S: May Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) and his Companions (RA: may Allah be pleased with them), to commit themselves to a "contract" of brotherhood with fellow Muslims. Commenting on this "contract" al-Ghazzali wrote, "Know that the contract of brotherhood is a bond between two persons, like the contract of marriage between two spouses. For just as marriage gives rise to certain duties which must be fulfilled when it is entered into, so does the contract of brotherhood confer upon your brother a certain right touching your property, your person, your tongue and your heart - by way of forgiveness, prayer, sincerity, loyalty, relief and considerateness."


According to Imam al-Ghazzali (R) there are eight duties of brotherhood in Islam.


The first duty is the material one. Muhammad (S) said, "Two brothers are likened to a pair of hands, one of which washes the other." That means the two are like one person. In thus sharing one's property with one's brother there are three degrees -- (i) the lowest degree is where he places his brother on the same footing as his servant, attending to his needs from his surplus. To oblige him to ask is the ultimate shortcoming in brotherly duty; (ii) at the second degree he places his brother on the same footing as himself. He shares his property equally with him; (iii) at the third degree he prefers his brother to himself and sets his need before his own. This is the degree of the siddiq. Self-sacrifice is one of the fruits of this degree. If any of these stages are not present, then the contract of brotherhood is not yet concluded.

A man came to Ibrahim ibn-Adham (R) as the latter was leaving for Jerusalem, and said, "I wish to be your traveling companion." [1]


Ibrahim: "On condition that I have more right to your goods than you yourself."

-- "No."

-- "I admire your sincerity," replied Ibrahim ibn-Adham (R).


He would only take those as his companions who were in harmony with him.


Ali (RA) said, "Twenty dirhams I give to my brother in God are dearer to me than one hundred I give in alms to the needy." Muhammad (S) said, "Each time two people are in company together, the dearer to God is he who is kinder to his companion." Ali ibn-Husayn ibn-Ali (R) said to a man, "Does one of you put your hand in the pocket or purse of his brother and take what he needs without his permission?"

--"No."

-- "Then you are not brothers,” was his reply.

Abu Sulayman al-Darani (R) used to say, "If I owned the whole world to put in the mouth of a brother of mine I would still deem it too little for him." [2]


The second duty is to render personal aid in the satisfaction of needs, attending to them without waiting to be asked, and giving them priority over personal needs. Jafar ibn-Muhammad (R) said, "I make haste to satisfy the needs of my enemies, lest I reject them and they do without me." If this be the attitude towards enemies, how then towards friends? A Muslim in those days would see to the maintenance of his brother's wife and children for forty years after his brother's death, attending to their needs, visiting them daily, and providing for them from his wealth so that they missed only the father's person; in deed, they were treated as not even by their father in his life time.


Maymun ibn-Mihran (R) said, "If you reap no benefit from a man's friendship, his enmity will not hurt you." Al-Hassan (RA) used to say, "Our brothers are dearer to us than our families and our children, because our families remind us of this world while our brothers remind us of the Other." Ata (R) said, "Seek out your brothers after three occasions. If they are sick, visit them. If they are busy, help them. If they have forgotten, remind them."

Ibn-Abbas (RA) was asked, "Who is dearest of men to you?"

--"One who sits in my company,” he replied.

He also said, "If someone sits in my company three times without having need of me, I learn where he is placed in the world."


The third duty concerns the tongue, which should be silent, and at other times speak out. As for silence, the tongue should not mention a brother's faults in his absence or presence. Rather one should feign ignorance. He should not contradict his brother when he talks, nor dispute nor argue with him. He should keep silent about the secrets his brother confides in him, and on no account divulge them to a third party - not even to the closest friends of his brother; keep silent from criticism of his dear ones, his family and his children; also from relating other people's criticism of him. However, he should not hide any praise he may hear. Concealment here would mean envy. Muhammad (S) said, "Seek refuge with God from the bad neighbor who sees some good and conceals it, sees some bad and reveals it."


As for mentioning his misdeeds and faults, this is slander and unlawful. Two things should turn one away from it. First, examine his own condition and if he finds there one blameworthy thing then he should be tolerant of what he sees in his brother. Second, he cannot find a blame-less person.


Ibn -al Mubarak (R) said, "The believer tries to find excuses for others, while the hypocrite looks out for mistakes." Muhammad (S) said, "God has forbidden a believer to temper with the blood, property or honor of another, or to hold a bad suspicion of him." Concealing faults, feigning ignorance of them and overlooking them --this is the mark of religious people. Muhammad (S) said, "If a man veils his brother's shame, God will veil him in this world and the Other."


Silence includes abstaining from dispute and contradiction whatever his brother talks about. Ibn-Abbas (RA) said, "Do not dispute with the fool, for he will hurt you; nor with the mild man, for he will dislike you." Al-Hassan (RA) said, "Do not buy the enmity of one man for the love of a thousand men."


The fourth duty is to use the tongue to speak out. He should use the tongue to express affection for his brother. Muhammad (S) said, "If one of you loves his brother, let him know it." Umar (RA) said, "There are three ways of showing sincere brotherly love: give him the greeting "Salam" when you first meet him, make him comfortable, and call him by his favorite names." Still fundamental is that he communicates to him the praise of anyone who praises him, showing his pleasure, for to hide such praise would be pure envy. Ali (RA) said, "He who does not praise his brother for his good intention will not praise him for his good deed."


Muhammad (S) said, "The Muslim is brother to the Muslim. He does not wrong him, does not forsake him, and does not betray him." He also said, "Abu Hirr! Be a good neighbor to your neighbor and you will be a Muslim. Be a good fellow to your companion and you will be a Mu'min." Note the distinction between the excellence of Iman and the excellence of Islam.


The duty to use the tongue also embraces instruction and advice. If one teaches and instructs his brother and yet he does not act in accordance with the knowledge conveyed, then one is obliged to advise. Imam al-Shafi'i (R) said, "To admonish your brother in private is to advise him and improve him. But to admonish him publicly is to disgrace and shame him." Dhul-Nun (R) said, "In fellowship with God, only concord. In fellowship with men, only sincere advice. With the self, only opposition. With Shaytan, only enmity."


The fifth duty is forgiveness of mistakes and failings. The failings of a friend must be one of two kinds -- either in his religion or in his duty (to you). In the case of religion, when he commits an offence and persists in it, he must be advised kindly. If he remains obstinate at this point, there seems to be a divergence in opinion among the Sahabas and Tabi'ins (R). Abu Dharr (RA) said, "If your brother turns his back on his duty, hate him as you used to love him." This course he considered to be dictated by love for Allah's sake and hate for Allah's sake.


Ibrahim al-Nakha'i (R) said, "Do not break off from your brother and do not shun him on account of a sin he has committed, for he may commit it today but give it up tomorrow."


Fellowship is a bond of flesh, like the bond of blood-kinship, and it is not permissible to shun a kinsman on account of his offence. Brotherhood in religion is firmer than brotherhood in kinship. Al-Hassan (RA) used to say, "How many a brother was not born of your mother." Imam Jafar al-Sadiq (R) said, "The affection of a day is a link. That of a month is kinship. That of a year is a blood-tie. If anyone cuts it, God will cut him off." [2]


As for his error in brotherly duty (to you), by which he causes alienation, he should be forgiven and shown patience. It has been said that one should seek seventy excuses for one's brother's misdeed, and if his heart will accept none of them he should turn the blame upon himself, saying to his heart, "How hard you are! Your brother pleads seventy excuses, yet you will not accept him. You are the one at fault, not your brother."


Whenever his brother apologizes to him, he should accept his excuse -- be he lying or telling the truth. Muhammad (S) said, "If a man's brother apologizes to him and he does not accept his excuse, he incurs a sin like that of a tax-collector." He also said, "The believer is quick to anger, quick to be content." Umar (RA) said, "Let not your love become attachment, nor your hate become destruction." That is, do not perish yourself by wishing your fellow's destruction.


The sixth duty is to pray for one's brother, during his life and after his death. He should pray for him as he prays for himself, making no distinction at all between them. For in reality his prayer for his brother is a prayer for himself. Muhammad (S) said, "Whenever a man prays for his brother in secret, the angel says, And to you the same." According to a tradition: a man's prayer for his brother, in secret, is not rejected. Abu Darda (RA) used to say, "I pray for seventy of my brothers during my prostration, naming them by their names."


It is related that Muhammad (S) said, "The dead man in his grave is like one ship-wrecked, completely dependent for everything. He waits for a prayer from a son or brother or relative." Truly, lights like mountains enter the tombs of the dead from the prayer of the living.


The seventh duty is loyalty and sincerity. The meaning of loyalty is steadfastness in love and maintaining it to the death with one's brother, and after his death with his children and his fellows. The prophet (S) said, "Among the seven whom Allah keeps in His shadow are also two men who love each other for His sake, constant whether together or apart." Someone said, "A little loyalty after death is better than much during a lifetime." Allah said, "Tell My servants to say what is kindlier. Surely, Shaytan sets them in variance." (Al-Qur'an 17:53). Lasting affection is that which is for Allah's sake.


Part of loyalty is not to let the relationship with the brother degenerate into humiliation. One of the early believers counseled his son, "My son, take no man for your fellow unless he draws near you when you need him and is not jealous of you when you can manage without him. When his station is exalted he should not lord it over you." Loyalty includes not listening to gossip about one's friend, not befriending his enemy either. Imam al-Shafi'i (R) said, "If your friend obeys your enemy, they share in enmity towards you."


The eighth duty is relief from discomfort and inconvenience. One should not discomfort one's brother with things that are awkward for him, he should not ask him for help with money or influence. No, the sole objective of his love should be God, being blessed by his brother's prayer, enjoying his company, receiving assistance from him in his religion, drawing close to God through attending to his rights and bearing his provision.


Someone said, "He who demands of his brothers what they do not demand, wrongs them. He who demands of them the same as they demand, wearies them. He who makes no demands is their benefactor."


Complete relief means wiping out discomfort until the brother feels no more embarrassment (from you) than from himself. Al-Junayed (R) said, "If two became brothers for God's sake, and one of them is uncomfortable or embarrassed with his fellow, there must be a fault in one of them." A'isha (RA) said, "The believer is brother to the believer. He does not plunder him, nor does he embarrass him."


There are three kinds of people: a man from whose fellowship one can benefit; a man one can be of benefit to, and by whom one will not be hurt, though one cannot benefit from him; and a man whom one cannot benefit and by whom one will be hurt, namely the fool or man of evil character. The third type one should avoid. As for the second, one should not shun him, for one will benefit in the Other World by his intercession and prayers, and by one's reward for attending to him.


One of the Companions (RA) said, "Allah has cursed those who cause discomfort." Relief and lack of fuss is only complete when one considers oneself beneath his brothers and thinks highly of them, but poorly of him. When he considers them better than himself, he is actually better than they! Perfection lies seeing the greater merit in the brother. A brother should never be belittled. The Prophet (S) said, "The believer can do no worse than belittle his brother."


The completion of comfort and freedom from embarrassment includes consulting one's brothers in all his plans, and in accepting their suggestions. None of his secrets should be hidden from them.


May we all benefit from these noble teachings of Islam.
Annotations:

[1]. Ibrahim ibn Adham (R) was born in Balkh (in present-day Afghanistan) in a princely family, who renounced his kingdom to live a life of complete asceticism. He died around 165 AH. He was a disciple of the Imam Abu Hanifah (R).

[2]. Imam Jafar al-Sadiq (R), the son of Imam Baqir (R), was a contemporary of Imam Abu Hanifah (R).

~Peace.

The Quest for Tranquility in Marital Life, part 2.

Meaning of Companionship (as-Suhbah)


RasoolAllah (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) taught us that the husband should be reasonable in exacting the rights. For example, the wife is obliged to seek permission before she goes out but this does not mean the husband should prevent her when there is no reason for doing so. Regarding women going to the mosques it has been narrated by Salim bin ‘Abdullah from his father that the Prophet (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) said: “If the wife of any one of you asks permission (to go to the mosque) do not forbid her.” [Reported by Muslim]


Companionship means the husband deals with his wife in a kind and tolerant manner and not in a domineering way. He should not see it as undermining his honour and dignity if his wife disagreed or got angry about something. ‘Aaisha (ra) narrated that Allah’s Messenger (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) said; “‘I know whether you are angry or pleased.’ I said, ‘How do you know that Oh Messenger of Allah?’ He (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) said, ‘When you are pleased, you say, ‘Yes, by the Lord of Muhammad,’ but when you are angry, you say, ‘No, by the Lord of Abraham!’ I said, ‘Yes, I do not leave, except your name.’” [Reported by Muslim]


In addition, it has been narrated that the Prophet of Allah (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) came into Aaisha’s (ra) room and put his hand on Aaisha’s (ra) knee and whispered something in her ear. She placed her hand over his hand trying to push him away. Umm Mubashhar who was with her at the time said; “How could you do this to Allah’s Messenger?” The Messenger (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) laughed and said; “Leave her; she does this and much worse!” [Reported by al-Bukhari in at-Tarikh]


Companionship means that husbands and wives should help each other in their responsibilities. Just because the wife is responsible for doing the housework does not mean the husband should not help out. Aaisha (ra) describes the behaviour of RasoolAllah (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) when he was in the house – she says; “RasoolAllah (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) used to be in the service (mihnah i.e. khidmah) of his family; and when it was time for prayer, he would go out to pray.” [Reported by al-Bukhari]

Despite being the ruler of Madinah, at home he led a very humble life. Aaisha said; “He acted like other men; he would mend his clothes, milk his goat and serve himself.” [Reported by al-Bukhari in al-Adab al-Mufrad].


Furthermore, RasoolAllah (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) never lost his temper, even if there was too much salt in the food. Abu Hurairah narrated that; ‘RasoolAllah (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) never criticised the food, if he liked it he ate it and if not he left it’ [Reported by Muslim]

Companionship also means overlooking mistakes or defects that one may not like in ones wife or vice versa. RasoolAllah (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) said: “Let not a believing man hate a believing woman. If he dislikes a character in her, he would be pleased with her other characters.” [Reported by Muslim]


Therefore, the husband should not pick on every little thing and continuously find faults. Rather he should be prepared to forget them by remembering the good qualities his wife has.


Companionship means closeness and intimacy and not an estranged relationship where the spouses rarely talk to each other unless something needs to be done. If one reflects on the nature of married life one can appreciate its importance. So for example, during the day a wife would naturally build up and accumulate many issues that she wants to discuss with her husband. So when the husband comes home she wants, for want of a better word, to ‘download’ all the stresses and difficulties and share them with him. But if the husband comes home and turns on the TV and ignores her then this can be very frustrating for her. That is why if we look to RasoolAllah (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) we see that it was his practise after Isha to spend a part of the evening chatting (samr) with his wives. RasoolAllah (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) also used to joke with his wives. He (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) said: “Everything in which there is no dhikr (remembrance) of Allah is nonsense, negligence and futile except four things: that a man should joke with his wife…” [Reported by an-Nasa`i].


So here RasoolAllah did not consider joking with his wives a useless activity.

Companionship means romance, fondness and affection. Listen to Aaisha (ra), the mother of the believers, when she said: “I would drink when I was menstruating, then I would hand it (the vessel) to the Messenger (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) and he would put his mouth where mine had been, and drink, and I would eat flesh from a bone when I was menstruating, then hand it over to the Apostle (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) and he would put his mouth where mine had been.” [Reported by Muslim in Kitab al-Hayd]

As for his wives they also felt about him in the same way. Ahmad narrated in his Musnad on the authority of Kareemah bin Hummaam that she said to Aaisha: O mother of the believers! What do you say regarding the use of Henna? She replied; “My beloved (habeebi i.e. referring to RasoolAllah (salAllahu alaihi wasallam)) used to like it!”


Chatting with Aaisha (ra)…

As mentioned previously, the Prophet (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) used to chat in the evening with his wives. One such evening he told Aaisha (ra) the following beautiful story of eleven women who met in the days of ignorance (jahilliyah) and promised to tell each other the truth about their husbands. The types of husbands described in this story can give us wonderful examples as to the type of qualities a husband should seek or avoid. The first five have reprehensible qualities whilst the rest all have laudable qualities.


Wife number one begins by saying; “My husband is like a bony camel’s meat at the top of a rough mountain. Neither is it easy to reach, nor meaty to desire acquiring.” What she means here is that he husband is unapproachable and not welcoming. When she tries to speak to him he does not listen as if she is not there and when she does manage to get heard he has nothing good to say to her. So the wife feels there’s no point, since the effort is not worth it! Hence, he is described like the useless ‘bony camel’s meat at the top of a rough mountain’ which is frankly not worth the trouble.


Wife number two’s husband is so full of defects that she doesn’t know where to start, so in fact she doesn’t! She said; “If I start I fear I will not be able to stop.” Some scholars commented on this by saying the second wife violated her agreement because she had promised to recount all the defects and she did not do that. Anyway, perhaps she felt it was a pointless and time-consuming exercise as the defects were innumerable.


Wife number three says the following about her husband; “If I utter a word, I shall surely be divorced. And if I remain silent, I will be suspended.” In other words we are dealing with a husband who is trigger happy with the divorce button. She lives in a state of constant fear that for smallest thing she may be divorced. That is why in another narration she said; “I am always in such a state as if I am under a sharp sword. I do not know when my affair will come to an end.” She finds herself in an impossible situation. She can’t speak otherwise she fears being divorced but on the other hand if she remains silent she faces the prospect of living in a state where she is neither married nor divorced i.e. in limbo or ‘suspended’ as she puts it. Her husband never complements her, brings her gifts or other such token gesture. Rather he thinks just by giving her food and clothing he has done his duty!



Wife number four describes a husband who is selfish and only thinks about himself. She says; “As for my husband, when he eats he devours everything; when he drinks, he does not leave anything. When he sleeps, he sleeps in his own sheet. He does not even touch me, so that he can know the disturbance in my mind.” So when the food is laid he doesn’t ask his wife to join him and at night he sleeps alone not caring about what she is thinking or feeling.



Wife number five starts by saying; “My husband is extremely helpless and stupid.” And you can see why she describes him this way as she continues, “He would either cut your head, break one of your limbs, or do both to you”. In other words he is a man who severely beats his wife, something which is deplored in Islam unless it was light and for the purpose of discipline when the wife refuses to discharge her marital responsibilities.



Now we come to the next set of husbands who all have good qualities which every husband should aspire to have.



Wife number six extols the praises of her husband with words that are almost poetic! She says; “My husband is like the night of Tihamah (Makkah and its surroundings) – neither hot nor cold. In his company there is neither fear nor boredom” i.e. here is a husband who is approachable and fun to be with unlike the first husband mentioned above. His company is never boring and she feels completely at ease in his presence.



Wife number seven describes a husband who is confident and strong outside in public but gentle at home – not like those husbands who are gentle outside but feared at home. She says; “My husband, when he enters he acts like a (sleepy) leopard; and when he leaves he acts like a lion.”



Wife number eight has a funny way of describing her husband; “As for my husband, his touch is like that of a rabbit” i.e. she means he is gentle and kind!



Wife number nine and ten both have husbands whose qualities are similar and hence I have grouped them together, i.e. they are generous hosts. Wife number ten says of her husband, “He owns camels that are numerous in their sitting places, and few in the grazing areas. When they hear the sound of the lute, they become certain of their death”. I.e. her husband keeps camels near the house and when they hear the lute playing they know they will be slaughtered.



Now we come to wife number eleven, the last of the wives, who is named in the hadith as Umm Zara’. She describes her husband, Abu Zara’, in the following way; “My husband was Abu Zara’ – and what would you know about Abu Zara’! He made my ears heavy with jewellery, filled my upper arms with flesh (fed me well after my previous state of hunger), and honoured me until my soul was gratified. He took me from among a people with very few sheep and tight living, and placed me among a people who had horses, camels, cows. In his house, I spoke without being rebuffed, slept until late-morning and drank my fill.’ As we can see, Abu Zara’ was a generous man who treated Umm Zara’ immeasurably well and clearly he was the best out of the eleven husbands.



But there is a sad twist to this story. After many years of happy marriage Abu Zara’ divorces Umm Zara’ in favour of a younger woman. But even though Umm Zara’ remarries and is treated well by her second husband, she still laments the loss of Abu Zara’. It is at this point that RasoolAllah turns to Aaisha (ra) saying: “O Aaisha! I am to you like Abu Zara’ was to Umm Zara’ – except that Abu Zara’ divorced (her), and I will not divorce you.” Here, RasoolAllah (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) reminds Aaisha of his favours to her which is better than even Abu Zara’ whose divorced wife still felt his loss. Aaisha knew this very well and so it is no surprise that she responded, “O Allah’s Messenger! You are better to me than Abu Zara’ was to Umm Zara’”. [Reported Bukhari, Muslim, an-Nasa`i, at-Tabarani and at-Tirmidhi in his Shama`il with variant wording]



Conclusion

Although this article only focuses on the marital life between spouses there are a whole host of other problems Muslims in Britain and the West face in their social life such as issues of courtship, marriage, divorce, custody, in-law relationships, maintenance and more besides. Increasingly Muslims are being pushed to resolving these problems by adopting western liberal values. Therefore, we need to be alert to the destructive influence of western concepts and criteria in our lives and begin to study the Islamic solutions on the basis of the Islamic criteria.



Finally, marital life is not just about tranquillity in this life. Our fate in the Akhira also depends on us following Allah’s (subhanahu wa ta’aala) commands and prohibitions regarding this issue. Therefore we must seek to ensure we comply with the rules of Islam in order to achieve tranquillity and satisfaction in this life and in the Akhira to save ourselves from the Hellfire and attain everlasting tranquillity in Paradise.


Kamal Abu Zahra