Assalamu 'Alaikum waRahmatullahi waBarakatuh
All Praise Belongs to Allah (swt), and May the Salah and Salam of Allah (swt) be upon our beloved Messenger (saw).
Dhul-Hijjah has approached so lets spend it in Ibadaat.
Inshaa Allah, Oct 27 will be the first day of the Hijri month of Dhul Hijjah
Below is a transcription of a lecture on how to benefit from the blessed days of Dhul-Hijjah by Umm 'Abdur-Rahman. May Allah reward the sister who transcribed the lecture.
"By the ten nights." [Al-Fajr 89:2]
The "ten nights" which Allah [subhana wa ta'ala] is swearing by here, are the first 10 days of Dhul-Hijjah. [1] Allah [subhana wa ta'ala] swears an oath by them, and swearing an oath by something is indicative of its importance and great benefit.
Ibn 'Abbas [radi Allahu 'anhu] narrated that Prophet [sall-Allahu 'alayhi wa sallam] said: "There is no deed more precious in the sight of Allah, or greater in reward, than a good deed done during the ten days of Sacrifice." He was asked: "Not even jihad for the sake of Allah?" He said: "Not even jihad for the sake of Allah, except in the case of a man who went out to fight giving himself and his wealth up for the cause, and came back with nothing." [2]
So, my sisters take note of the following:
Have the intention to spread this important information.
It is a great chance to collect uncountable hasanat . It is a great chance to renew your relation with Allah [subhana wa ta'ala]. Prepare now so you can start from the first night/day of the month [i.e. as soon as Dhul-Hijjah is announced]. You don't want to miss a moment of the best days in the sight of Allah [subhana wa ta'ala].
Since the Prophet [sall-Allahu 'alayhi wa sallam] referred to the 10 days of Dhul-Hijjah as: "...no days better than these days in the sight of Allah." [3], the scholars have said that these are better than Ramadan. [4] Therefore, be very vigilant and don't waste these precious moments. Ask Allah to help you to benefit from this period of His special Grace.
Ask yourself these questions [non-rhetorical]:
Did you intend to benefit from these days?
What have you done to prepare for these 10 days?
Did you prepare a program?
What is your plan of action?
Here is a brief guide to help you to prepare for the best days of the year :
Read the Qur'an:
Plan to complete the reading of the Qur'an within this period.
If you read three juz a day, it can be accomplished. It is not difficult. Ask Allah to make it easy for you. We know reciting one letter is equal to ten hasanat . If you read three juz everyday, it translates to thousands of millions of hasanat.
Subhana'Allah! And this calculation is just based on the 1=10 ratio. These are special days of His Grace. Therefore, don't even think about how much Allah can/will increase & add it for you. You cannot fathom it. He is Kareem. He knows that you have ikhlas ; He will not count it as 1=10. He could raise it to 1=700 or even more. And this is what you can earn every day of these special days. Keep in mind that reciting the Qur'an is a good deed and Allah specially loves the good deeds done in these days: "And if He [subhana wa ta'ala] loves the good deeds, He will love the doer of those good deeds." [5] If Allah loves someone, He will not punish them. Remember this concept so that the deeds you do come from your heart [don't be like a machine]. Honour the rights of the Qur'an when reciting it.
Increase in Nawafil Prayers:
Increase your supererogatory prayers.
Ask yourself these questions and make sure that your heart gives you sincere answers:
Do you have an aim?
Do you really want to be closer to Allah?
Do you live with this craving?
Do you really love Allah and seek His closeness?
If, you want this, then know that Allah teaches you the means to gaining His qurb .
Allah says:
"Fall prostrate and draw near to Allah!" [Al-Alaq 96:19]
This is the way! Prostrate in sujud to Him [subhana wa ta'ala] and you will be closer to Him. The Prophet [sall-Allahu 'alayhi wa sallam] said: "The closest that a person is to his Lord is when he is prostrating, so say a great deal of du'a then." [6] He [sall-Allahu 'alayhi wa sallam] is commanding us to make a lot of du'a while in sujud. Are we obeying his order? Yes? We need to do more. For he [sall-Allahu 'alayhi wa sallam] said to: "...make lots of du'a." Remember, the Prophet [sall-Allahu 'alayhi wa sallam] loved us and he knew that we have a lot of needs from Allah. This is why he taught us the way to get those needs fulfilled. Therefore, if you have needs, then you cannot leave sujud. Any sajdah without khushu' & without du'a is a big khasara . Let us not be losers from now on bi-idhnillah.
When the Prophet [sall-Allahu 'alayhi wa sallam] instructed us to do a lot of sujud, it means to perform a lot of salah . "With each sajdah for Allah, He will raise you a level with it. And cancel a sin with it." So, the more you increase in your sujud, the closer you are to being a winner.
Examples for increasing nawafil salah :
a] Salat Dhuha: Also known as al-Awwabeen, may be offered as 2, 4, 6 or 8 rak'at, prayed after the sun has risen and before the time for Dhuhr approaches. [7] "Al-Awwab' means one who is obedient, or one who turns to obedience. Bi-idhnillah, we want to show Allah that we are of those who are obedient.
b] 4 rak'at before and 4 after Dhuhr: "Whoever regularly performs four rak'at before Dhuhr and four after it, Allah will forbid him to the Fire." [8]
c] 4 rak'at before 'Asr - The Prophet [sall-Allahu 'alayhi wa sallam] said: "May Allah have mercy on those who pray four rak'at before 'Asr prayer." [9] Bi-idhnillah, you stand to gain the mercy of Allah because of the du'a of Prophet [sall-Allahu 'alayhi wa sallam]. Do you want the mercy of Allah to reach you? Don't leave these 4 rak'at.
d] Tahhiyatul masjid: Greet the masjid with two rak'at: "If any one of you enters a mosque, he should pray two rak'at before sitting." [10]
e] Salat at-Tawbah: It could be any bad deed, any sin, you hear something bad , you see something bad, you feel your heart constricted because of something you have done and you didn't mean it, etc, you can erase it immediately with your prayer of repentance. Make a good wudhu' and offer two sincere rak'at of repentance. Ask Allah to forgive you. If it's from your heart, then know that Allah will cancel your sin.
g] Qiyam al-Layl: With this prayer, we hope that Allah will illuminate our graves; will bestow nur on our faces; will cancel our bad deeds, bi-idhnillah. Pray at least 2 rak'at. If you are able to follow the Sunnah, then pray all 11 rak'at .
Remember that in these special days and nights, Allah is sending His special mercy. Do you think that this special mercy will reach everybody? Do you think that it will reach the one who is in front of the TV watching a movie? Or listening to music? Or do you think it will reach the one who is making sujud, ruku', tilawah, making istighfar, etc.?
We have to show Allah that we want this special mercy. We need to make ourselves eligible for it.
Allah [subhana wa ta'ala] swears by the night . Therefore, take care of the nights. Don't be among the losers. Write this in bold and make it your motivational factor for the special days: "We won't be among the losers!" Remember: "Our Lord, may He be blessed and exalted, comes down to the lowest heaven every night when the last third of the night is left, and He says: 'Who will call upon Me, that I may answer him? Who will ask of Me, that I may give him? Who will ask Me for forgiveness, that I may forgive him?'." [11] And, now that it is winter, we get really long nights. So it's a good chance to maximise our hasanat. Don't forget while you are praying qiyam that Allah [subhana wa ta'ala] Loves this deed. Therefore, He [subhana wa ta'ala] loves the doer of this deed also.
If we were lazy before, we will be active and good from now on bi-idhnillah. We will not be among the losers. If these days and nights are a king who is distributing gifts of gold while announcing: "Come take these gold nuggets", wAllahi, you will find people standing in long queues and hordes to collect them. Subhana'Allah, Allah is spreading mercy during these days. He [subhana wa ta'ala] is accepting supplications. He [subhana wa ta'ala] is offering unimaginably wonderful blessings that we don't even know of. So will we not work to get in those lines to gather Allah's gifts?
Makes lots of Dhikr:
Do a lot of dhikr, especially in these days.
"There are no days greater in the sight of Allah..." [12]
So what did the Prophet [sall-Allahu 'alayhi wa sallam] tell us to do in these days? That, we need to make the dhikr of tahlil, tahmid & takbir. [13] As soon as the announcement of Dhul-Hijjah is made, start your dhikr:
"Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar, la ilaha ill-Allah, Wallahu Akbar. Walilahilhamd."
Many people mistakenly believe that you chant this only on the day of 'id. But, it is meant to be recited from the beginning of Dhul-Hijjah. Bukhari related that Ibn 'Umar & Abu Hurayrah said that they used to go out in the streets making loud takbir. They did not think that this was riya . They were busy with declaring the [signs of Allah. This practice has now become a forgotten Sunnah. Why do people feel shy to follow this Sunnah? These are the days of takbir, tahlil & tahmid with raised voices.
Therefore revive this Sunnah by doing audible tasbih during all of the ten days of Dhul-Hijjah.
For women, when you are in your homes, raise your voices. You will remind your children, husbands, brothers, etc. Make it like a habit so that you will find yourself doing dhikr automatically. While walking, reclining, working, eating, just keep doing dhikr.
Send a lot of blessings and salam upon the Prophet [sall-Allahu 'alayhi wa sallam] consistently. Just one hadith should be enough for the believer who loves Prophet [sall-Allahu 'alayhi wa sallam]. It is enough honour that when you send your salam to Prophet [sall-Allahu 'alayhi wa sallam], Allah returns his soul to him in order to answer you: "There is no one who sends salam upon me but Allah will restore to me my soul so that I may return his salam." [14] Therefore, send your darud & salam from your heart. Feel that special honour in doing that deed.
Istighfar:
All kinds of dhikr will make your relation with Allah stronger and stronger. How many Muslim's are there today? 1.5 billion? In one minute it is possible to gain 1.5 billion hasanat. Allahu Akbar! How generous is Allah [subhana wa ta'ala]. No one will give you like Allah [subhana wa ta'ala] gives. So how can you gain 1.5 million hasanat? By making istighfar for all Muslim's. The Prophet [sall-Allahu 'alayhi wa sallam] is reported to have said that when a person seeks forgiveness for all believers, Allah will write for him a hasanat for every one of those believers. [15] Just say 'Astaghfirullah' for yourself and for all the believers, from your heart. Allah [subhana wa ta'ala] is forgiving & generous.
On the Day of Judgement, when you will see your book, you will find the record of your sins in it & you will feel regret. But, Subhana'Allah, you will find between these sins, Astaghfirullah, Astaghfirullah, Astaghfirullah. Bi-idhnillah, Allah, the Karim will cancel those sins that have istighfar beside them, around them, after them.
Luqman taught his sons to make istighfar. He said: "Oh my sons, istighfirullaha qaidun, istighfirullah qaimum, istghfirullaha raqibun [make istighfar when you are standing, sitting, reclining]. For the mercy of Allah is descending."
Indeed, rahamat are falling down like rain. So try to be under those rahamat. Look at it this way - there are seasons of mercy during which Allah sends down abundant mercy [like during Ramadan, like the days of Dhul-Hijjah, etc.]. Allah is always generous because that is one of His [subhana wa ta'ala] Attributes, but He says that He gives more during certain periods. Allah is Rahim always, but He says He has more mercy during a certain period. These days are like those special-rate promotions or sale season. Therefore, don't leave or ignore this sale. Go and ask for more. Keep saying 'astaghfirullah', 'astaghfirullah', astaghfirullah', keep insisting on it till Allah forgives you. Start from the beginning of Dhul-Hijjah.
"...nor will He punish them while they seek (Allah's) forgiveness." [Al-Anfal 8:33]
We are informed that there is no punishment from Allah [subhana wa ta'ala a] on the yastaghfirun . Allah relieves all problems with istighfar. Those who are persistent in istighfar in their lives, disasters and calamities will be repelled from them. Mercy is like a cloud on the head of the mustaghfirin . How do we know this?
"Why seek you not the forgiveness of Allah, that you may receive mercy?" [An-Naml 27:46]
Allah is telling us to make istighfar to gain His mercy. Let your istighfar ascend to Him and His mercy will descend upon you.
Fasting:
Fast as much as you can during these blessed days. If you can fast all of these days, then do so. Even in any regular day, Allah has promised a great reward for the one who fasts: "Whoever fasts one day for the sake of Allah, Allah will keep his face seventy years distance away from the Fire because of it." [16] So what about these special days for which it is said: "There is no deed more precious in the sight of Allah, or greater in reward, than a good deed done during the ten days of Dhul-Hijjah." Allah loves the good deeds in these days. Allah loves siyam. Put these two beloved things together. You are the doer of the things Allah loves. He [subhana wa ta'ala] will Love you, bi-idhnillah.
Any 'ibadah, be it salah, dhikr, Qur'an, that is done during some periods of time and with them, are also periods of non action. Can you do any of them from Fajr till Maghrib continuously? Which 'ibadah will you be able to do non-stop? Siyam! From Fajr till Maghrib during the best days, you will be able to be in a continuous state of worship. So please my sisters [& brothers], grab this chance eagerly. Also don't forget you have if Allah wills, at least one du'a guaranteed with each siyam - at the time of breaking the fast. So that is nine opportune moments during this period.
Regarding fasting on the day of 'Arafah, the Prophet [sall-Allahu 'alayhi wa sallam] said: "Fasting the day of 'Arafah, I hope, will expiate the sins of the year before it and the year to come..." [17] So how does this happen? Does this mean that we can fast on that day and for the rest of the year we can do whatever we want of bad deeds? No! It implies that Allah [subhana wa ta'ala] will help us to abstain from sins. And, if you commit a sin by mistake, He [subhana wa ta'ala] will cancel it due to His promise.
Charity:
Spending for the sake of Allah!
Only Allah knows how many trials & calamities have been pushed away from us, our family and loved ones as a result of our sadaqah. Allah knows how many times relief and ease has come to us due to the sadaqah we gave. Therefore, give in the way of Allah, as much as you can. Don't leave any raised hands return empty. Show Allah that you love Him by spending from that which you love. Show Allah [subhana wa ta'ala] that all these things mean nothing besides gaining His ridha .
Don't look and remind yourself of what you have already spent in the past. If Allah wills, He [subhana wa ta'ala] has accepted and written it for you. Now, think of how you can outdo that sadaqah during these days. Spend from what you love and Allah will love you.
Preserve the Ties of Kinship:
Preserve the ties of kinship for: "No one who severs the ties of kinship will enter Paradise." [18] If it is difficult for you to call or meet every relative, then send them a message. But write with your heart and with the right intention. There is a man who connects with all of his near and far relatives. It is almost like a mission for him for the sake of Allah. He [subhana wa ta'ala] loves this 'ibadah. Even those who are far away, he calls and connects them to the rest of the family and brings them all together. And subhana'Allaah, Allah has given him a lot of wealth and with such ease and has made his life easy, and as a result of his deeds. The Prophet [sall-Allahu 'alayhi wa sallam] promised this reward for the one who connects and maintains kinship: "Whoever would like his rizq to be increased and his life to be extended, should uphold the ties of kinship." [19]
These were just a few of the wonderful things we can do during the forthcoming best days of Dhul-Hijjah. Therefore, if we want Allah's help with these deeds and our schedule for them, we need to do a lot of tawbah. The Salaf as-Salih used to say that they would feel prevented from qiyam al-layl due to their sins. They knew that when they want to do 'ibadah and they are unable to do it, it is due sins. So, what do we need to do? A lot of istighfar with tawbah, real Tawbah! Ask Allah for help.
Make the du'a:
"O Allah, help me to remember You, to give You thanks, and to perform Your worship in the best manner." [20]
Footnotes:
[1] Ibn 'Abbas, Ibn az-Zubayr, Mujahid and others of the earlier and later generations said that this refers to the first ten days of Dhul-Hijjah. Ibn Kathir said: "This is the correct opinion." [Tafsir ibn Kathir, 8/413]
[2] Al-Bukhari, 2/457
[3] Ahmad, 7/224 - Ahmad Shakir stated that it is sahih
[4] The verses [Al-Fajr 89:1-2] and various hadith indicate that these 10 days are better than all the other days of the year, with no exceptions, not even the last ten days of Ramadan. But the last ten nights of Ramadan are better, because they include Layl al-Qadr ["the Night of Power"], which is better than a thousand months. Thus the various reports may be reconciled. [See: Tafsir ibn Kathir, 5/412]
[5] Shaykh Muhammad bin Salih al-'Uthaymin
[6] Muslim, 482
[7] Muslim, 1238
[8] At-Tirmidhi, 428 - classed as sahih by al-Albani in Sahih al-Nasa'i
[9] At-Tirmidhi, 395 - classed as hasan by al-Albani in Sahih al-Jami 3493
[10] Al-Bukhari & Muslim
[11] Al-Bukhari, 1094 and Muslim, 758
[12] Ahmad, 7/224
[13] Tahlil ["La ilaha ill-Allah"], Tahmid ["Alhamdulillah"] and Takbir ["Allahu Akbar"]. See: Ahmad, 7/224
[14] Abu Dawud, 2041 - classed as hasan by al-Albani
[15] Classed as hasan by al Albani
[16] Muslim, 2/808
[17] Muslim, 1976
[18] Sahih Muslim
[19] Al-Bukhari, 5986 and Muslim, 2557
[20] Sahih Abu Dawud, 1/284
Allah subhanahu wa'tala says (interpretation of the meaning):
"Verily, those who say: 'Our Lord is Allah (Alone),' and then they stand firm, on them the angels will descend (at the time of their death) (saying): 'Fear not, nor grieve! But receive the glad tidings of Paradise which you have been promised!'" [41:30]
Jazakumullahu Khayran!
Wassalaamu 'Alaikum waRahmathullahi waBarakaathuhu.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
A Hadith A Day: Ramadhan Series
The Aim and Goal of the Prophet’s i’tikaaf was to seek Laylat ul-Qadr
Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri (radi Allahu anhu) said: The Messenger of Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) observed i’tikaaf during the first ten days of Ramadan, then he observed i’tikaaf during the middle ten days in a small tent at the door of which was a reed mat. He took the mat in his hand and lifted it. Then he put his head out and spoke to the people, and they came close to him. He (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “I observed i’tikaaf during the first ten days seeking this night (Laylat ul-Qadr), then I observed i’tikaaf during the middle ten days. Then someone came and said to me that it is in the last ten days, so whoever among you wishes to observe i’tikaaf let him do so.” So the people observed i’tikaaf with him.
[Sahih Muslim]
Commentary:
We learn a number of things from this Hadith and they are as follows:
1. That the basic goal of the i’tikaaf of the Prophet (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) was to seek Laylat ul-Qadr and to prepare to spend that night in worship. That is because of the great virtue of that night of which Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): “The Night of Al?Qadr (Decree) is better than a thousand months (i.e. worshipping Allah in that night is better than worshipping Him in a thousand months, i.e. 83 years and 4 months).” [Al-Qadr 97:3]
2. The Prophet (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) strove to seek that night before he was told when it is. So he started with the first ten days, then he observed it during the middle ten, then he continued to observe i’tikaaf during the last ten days, when he was told that it is in the last ten days. This is the utmost effort to seek Laylat ul-Qadr.
3. The Sahaaba (radi Allahu anhum) followed the Messenger of Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam), because they started i’tikaaf and continued with him until the end of the month, because they were so keen to follow his example.
4. The Messenger of Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) was compassionate towards his companions and showed mercy to them, because he knew that i’tikaaf was difficult for them. So he gave them the choice between staying with him or of leaving, and said: “…so whoever among you wishes to observe i’tikaaf let him do so.”
There are other aims of i’tikaaf as well, including the following:
1. Being alone with Allah and cutting oneself off from people if possible, so that one may focus completely on Allah.
2. Renewing oneself spiritual by focusing totally on Allah.
3. Cutting oneself off completely in order to worship Allah with prayer, du’aa’ (supplication), dhikr (remembrance) and reading Qur’aan.
4. Protecting one’s fast from everything that may affect it of whims and desires.
5. Reducing permissible worldly pleasures and refraining from many of them even though one is able to enjoy them.
And Allah knows best!
Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri (radi Allahu anhu) said: The Messenger of Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) observed i’tikaaf during the first ten days of Ramadan, then he observed i’tikaaf during the middle ten days in a small tent at the door of which was a reed mat. He took the mat in his hand and lifted it. Then he put his head out and spoke to the people, and they came close to him. He (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “I observed i’tikaaf during the first ten days seeking this night (Laylat ul-Qadr), then I observed i’tikaaf during the middle ten days. Then someone came and said to me that it is in the last ten days, so whoever among you wishes to observe i’tikaaf let him do so.” So the people observed i’tikaaf with him.
[Sahih Muslim]
Commentary:
We learn a number of things from this Hadith and they are as follows:
1. That the basic goal of the i’tikaaf of the Prophet (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) was to seek Laylat ul-Qadr and to prepare to spend that night in worship. That is because of the great virtue of that night of which Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): “The Night of Al?Qadr (Decree) is better than a thousand months (i.e. worshipping Allah in that night is better than worshipping Him in a thousand months, i.e. 83 years and 4 months).” [Al-Qadr 97:3]
2. The Prophet (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) strove to seek that night before he was told when it is. So he started with the first ten days, then he observed it during the middle ten, then he continued to observe i’tikaaf during the last ten days, when he was told that it is in the last ten days. This is the utmost effort to seek Laylat ul-Qadr.
3. The Sahaaba (radi Allahu anhum) followed the Messenger of Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam), because they started i’tikaaf and continued with him until the end of the month, because they were so keen to follow his example.
4. The Messenger of Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) was compassionate towards his companions and showed mercy to them, because he knew that i’tikaaf was difficult for them. So he gave them the choice between staying with him or of leaving, and said: “…so whoever among you wishes to observe i’tikaaf let him do so.”
There are other aims of i’tikaaf as well, including the following:
1. Being alone with Allah and cutting oneself off from people if possible, so that one may focus completely on Allah.
2. Renewing oneself spiritual by focusing totally on Allah.
3. Cutting oneself off completely in order to worship Allah with prayer, du’aa’ (supplication), dhikr (remembrance) and reading Qur’aan.
4. Protecting one’s fast from everything that may affect it of whims and desires.
5. Reducing permissible worldly pleasures and refraining from many of them even though one is able to enjoy them.
And Allah knows best!
Friday, August 05, 2011
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Wa-Thak'ker (And Remind)
Weekly reminders that I receive in my email. Just thought it'll be a useful reminder for you too.
Salaams.
In Islam everything is given its proper time and place. There is time for laughter, time for anger, time for happiness and time for crying.
The strangest expression for us at the moment is crying. But crying is an expression that the Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him) did many times, so it could never be strange. And we have to cry like the Prophet cried.
The great man was sinless. He was forgiven for all his sins; past, present and future and still would cry so much. Now let's look at ourselves, who don't have the safety the Prophet had, who sin so much like mountains, who are so short with our obedience to Allah - when was the last time you cried?
When was the last time you cried from the fear of Allah? Unfortunately we cry from a sad movie, lost a portion of this dunya or something trivial.
Crying (for the right reasons) is encouraged in Islam. We find it in the Qur'an in Surat Maryam. After mentioning Maryam's story and so many prophets - Easa, Zackariah, Ibrahim etc. He wraps it all up with a common trait: "Whenever the Signs of (Allah) Most Gracious were rehearsed to them, they would fall down in prostration adoration and crying in tears."
Things that made Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) cry and should make us cry:
Salaams.
In Islam everything is given its proper time and place. There is time for laughter, time for anger, time for happiness and time for crying.
The strangest expression for us at the moment is crying. But crying is an expression that the Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him) did many times, so it could never be strange. And we have to cry like the Prophet cried.
The great man was sinless. He was forgiven for all his sins; past, present and future and still would cry so much. Now let's look at ourselves, who don't have the safety the Prophet had, who sin so much like mountains, who are so short with our obedience to Allah - when was the last time you cried?
When was the last time you cried from the fear of Allah? Unfortunately we cry from a sad movie, lost a portion of this dunya or something trivial.
Crying (for the right reasons) is encouraged in Islam. We find it in the Qur'an in Surat Maryam. After mentioning Maryam's story and so many prophets - Easa, Zackariah, Ibrahim etc. He wraps it all up with a common trait: "Whenever the Signs of (Allah) Most Gracious were rehearsed to them, they would fall down in prostration adoration and crying in tears."
Things that made Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) cry and should make us cry:
- Recitation of the Qur'an
- Remembering the two great things - hellfire and paradise
- Making du'a (supplication)
- Fear and love for the 'Ummah
- Sake of the da'wah
- Day of Judgement
- Being thankful to Allah.
All the above stem from being conscious of and fearing Allah.
We should all make that a goals of ours and ask Allah to make us emotionally attached to him where we can cry in private from his remembrance. It's about sincerity and effort and, Allah willing, He will gift us that precious moment.
~Peace.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Seeking Your Provisions (Rizq)
At any Muslim family gathering, a favourite topic (amongst the men at least) is how best to go about accumulating more wealth. When in attendance at such gatherings, I have often been advised, which stocks and shares to invest in or which riba (interest) based mortgages to enter into. Ironically, those advising me to commit flagrant transgressions against Allah (swt) in an attempt to become more wealthy, were Muslims!
Islam teaches us that a man should go and earn his living, and this is a noble act in the eyes of Allah (swt). Most of us have several responsibilities, be they to our parents, our children, or both. There are always bills to pay.
Rizq
We know through the forewarning of Allah (swt) that we must use only allowed (halal) means in the pursuit of wealth. Why then do some Muslims persist in pursuing their wealth through prohibited (haram) means? Much can be attributed to man’s weakness, and desire for immediate gratification and comfort, which lead to his short sightedness. In turn much of this weakness is attributable to a weakness in understanding certain concepts from Islam, and the widely misunderstood concept of rizq.
How many times have we come across a Muslim man who does not go to pray jumuah salat on Friday although it is an obligation on him. His argument is “if I go to jumuah, , I may not be seen as a hard worker so I may loose my job. If I loose my job, I will not be able to provide for my family.” So his misunderstanding about the source of his provisions has lead him to disobey Allah (swt) by missing jumuah prayers.
Rizq is from Allah
Allah (swt) said:
“Say: ‘Truly my Lord enlarges the provision (rizq) for whom He will of His slaves, and (also) restricts (it) for him, and whatever you spend of anything (in Allah’s cause), He will replace it. And He is the best of providers’” [TMQ Saba: 39].
It is part of the aqeedah (belief) of a Muslim that his sustenance and wealth (his rizq) is given to him by Allah (swt). One of Allah’s names is Ar-Razzaq or The Provider. Rizq includes everything provided by way of provision or nurture, including both monetary wealth, food and any sustenance. The references to rain, and fruit in some ayahs of Qur’an that talk about rizq, demonstrate that the concept of rizq is more general than gold, silver or money alone, but encompasses all provision.
Rizq is fixed
Another crucial point to understanding rizq is that it is fixed in its amount. That is the rizq for each and every human has already been decreed by Allah (swt).
Ibn Mas’ud narrated that Allah’s Messenger (saw) said to his wife Umm Habiba: “Verily you have asked Allah about the duration of life already set, and the steps you would take, and the sustenance the share of which is fixed. Nothing will take place before its due time, and nothing will be deferred beyond when it is due.” [Muslim].
These two concepts from the Islamic aqeedah (belief) mark a believer as being distinctive from the kuffar. The belief that his wealth is provided by Allah is in conflict with the widely held belief that it is the individual through his own efforts or job who provides rizq for himself. Secondly this allocation is fixed and unchangeable despite our efforts to increase it. This is also a distinct view. Together they provide a variety of unique effects.
Muslims believe in rizq because it is contained in the miraculous text of the Qur’an and explained in the sunnah of Allah’s Messenger, as well as it being something we can appreciate by studying the reality around us. Some confusion may arise when attempting to understand its application in everyday life, after all a hot shot financial analyst surrounded by all the trappings of 21st century life has so much wealth because of his work and his pay cheque, as compared to a lowly farmer in the developing world and his humble surroundings. Actually it is perfectly demonstrable that the difference in rizq is beyond the control of man and is the work of divine providence.
What we control
It is easily understood that there is a sphere in which men have been granted control by Allah (swt) i.e. our words and our chosen actions. It is also self evident that there is a sphere which is beyond the influence of man, and which Allah as the Master of creation controls all - the weather, if a flipped coin lands heads or tail - so called ‘luck’, and generally everything man has no control over.
People often confuse the circumstances by which we attain our rizq with the actual of cause of rizq. If these circumstances such as our profession were the true causes of rizq then they should not fail in producing a particular amount of rizq, but it can clearly be seen that they do not guarantee the rizq. These circumstances may exist but the individual for some reason doesn’t gain the expected income. On the other hand someone may be uneducated, unemployed and poor but becomes a millionaire overnight for some reason such as winning a competition, inheriting wealth, etc. If circumstances such as status, education and profession were determining factors of rizq then this would not be the case.
An employee might work for a whole month but he is prevented from his expected income due to settling a previous debt, or spending money on those whose maintenance he is obliged to provide, or by paying taxes. In such a situation, the circumstance which brings the provision (i.e. the employee's work), the rizq was not obtained since he did not get his wages. On the other hand, there might be someone in his house in tower hamlets, to whom the postman brings the news that so and so relative of his in America has died, leaving him as the sole inheritor, and that all of his wealth will pass into his hands. This rizq came to him even though he didn’t imagine it ever becoming so wealthy.
Wealth can come to us in many ways and leave us in many ways. One may inherit wealth, or find it - like hidden treasure in a pirate story or a ten pound note on the street. One may be made redundant, or be given a raise, robbed of all one’s wealth by a highwayman or conned by a grifter. These are only a few scenarios from a long list of possibilities that happen to people every day, some unable to gain the income they worked for and others obtaining wealth without working for it. Therefore the circumstances in which rizq is obtained are as a rule, conditions of rizq and not its causes.
Simply put, it is not within our control to choose how wealthy we are, otherwise we could all will ourselves to be millionaires and own properties in Mayfair. This does not mean we go to the extreme of leaving our work and obligation to ourselves and our family as this would be disobeying the laws of Allah (swt). Rather we do the best actions we can (as providence usually favours the prepared), but with the firm belief that provision is from Allah (swt) alone. The Prophet (saw) advised a man, “Tie the camel and trust in Allah”.
This teaches us that we need to look after the means within our control but must continuously trust in Allah (swt). Islam doesn’t promote fatalism or laziness, it was narrated that Umar bin Al-Khattab (ra) passed by some people, who were known as readers of the Qur’an. He saw them sitting and bending their heads, and asked who they were. He was told: "They are those who depend (al-mutawwakiloon) upon Allah (SWT)." Umar replied: "No, they are the eaters who eat the people’s properties. Do you want me to describe those who really depend upon Allah (al-mutawwakiloon) are?" He was answered in the affirmative, and then he said: "He is the person who throws the seeds in the earth and depends on His Lord The Almighty, The Exalted (‘azza wa jalla)."
In difficult times
A Muslim must always rely upon Allah (swt), this belief gives the believer the strength to overcome difficulties. Someone with the correct understanding that his provision is from Allah (swt), will trust fully in Allah (swt) to provide for him especially when times are difficult.
Allah (swt) said: “Allah increases the provision (rizq) for whom he wills, and straitens (it from whom He wills), and they rejoice in the life of the world, whereas the life of this world as compared with the hereafter is but a brief passing enjoyment” [TMQ Ar-Ra’d: 26].
So if times are difficult the true believer sees it as a test from Allah (swt), and it is He (swt) who will provide what is due. We take heed in what the ayah states that the life of this world “…is but a brief passing enjoyment.”
Confronted with difficult times, another may be tempted in desperation to resort to prohibited (haram) means such as stealing, fraud or taking out an interest bearing loan. There is no such temptation for the steadfast believer who understands that his rizq is from Allah (swt) and he just needs to go out and try his best to earn it in a permitted (halal) way.
The prohibited choices are many, stocks and shares in PLC companies, prohibited mortgages to become landlords or other usurious means, many of which Muslims have delved into, to their great loss.
One failure is the failure to understand their rizq comes from Allah (swt) alone. In believing they have increased their allotment through their choice they are actually deceived, because the only matter they controlled was their choice to do something forbidden and hateful in the eyes of Allah (swt) or not. We should realise that the rizq allotted by Allah (swt) for us will come to us whether we undertake haram or halal actions to obtain it, it is our loss if we follow the path towards jahannam (hell fire) chasing after wealth which has been predestined for us. The great scholar Nu’man ibn Thabit, otherwise known as Abu Hanifah explained this point when he asked a thief why he is stealing from his own rizq i.e. stealing to obtain something which he would come to him anyway.
Value of wealth
One final quality of the believer who has understood rizq in its correct context, is the small value he places upon his wealth, or rather the value he places upon it is of a different type. He knows it is a burden, he knows his provision is fixed and that Allah (swt) will provide for him so there is no need to fear in spending his wealth freely in a righteous manner, as these deeds will benefit him in the hereafter whereas the material wealth he accumulates and the items he has bought with them and covets will not.
A pure understanding, well thought out and free from doubt, of key notions like rizq, the value of deeds and the insignificance of this dunya (wordly life), causes a believer to be freed from the struggle to accumulate wealth to purchase the next best thing and places his focus upon actions instead. It will also produce an individual who sticks to the shariah rules when obtaining wealth and someone who is characterised with generosity, actively seeking useful ways to spend or invest his wealth which will benefit him through earning Allah’s pleasure. Compare this to the struggle of most people to save for a faster car, a bigger house, or the finest fashions.
“Verily Allah provides sustenance to whom He wills.” [TMQ al-Imran: 37]
Islam teaches us that a man should go and earn his living, and this is a noble act in the eyes of Allah (swt). Most of us have several responsibilities, be they to our parents, our children, or both. There are always bills to pay.
Rizq
We know through the forewarning of Allah (swt) that we must use only allowed (halal) means in the pursuit of wealth. Why then do some Muslims persist in pursuing their wealth through prohibited (haram) means? Much can be attributed to man’s weakness, and desire for immediate gratification and comfort, which lead to his short sightedness. In turn much of this weakness is attributable to a weakness in understanding certain concepts from Islam, and the widely misunderstood concept of rizq.
How many times have we come across a Muslim man who does not go to pray jumuah salat on Friday although it is an obligation on him. His argument is “if I go to jumuah, , I may not be seen as a hard worker so I may loose my job. If I loose my job, I will not be able to provide for my family.” So his misunderstanding about the source of his provisions has lead him to disobey Allah (swt) by missing jumuah prayers.
Rizq is from Allah
Allah (swt) said:
“Say: ‘Truly my Lord enlarges the provision (rizq) for whom He will of His slaves, and (also) restricts (it) for him, and whatever you spend of anything (in Allah’s cause), He will replace it. And He is the best of providers’” [TMQ Saba: 39].
It is part of the aqeedah (belief) of a Muslim that his sustenance and wealth (his rizq) is given to him by Allah (swt). One of Allah’s names is Ar-Razzaq or The Provider. Rizq includes everything provided by way of provision or nurture, including both monetary wealth, food and any sustenance. The references to rain, and fruit in some ayahs of Qur’an that talk about rizq, demonstrate that the concept of rizq is more general than gold, silver or money alone, but encompasses all provision.
Rizq is fixed
Another crucial point to understanding rizq is that it is fixed in its amount. That is the rizq for each and every human has already been decreed by Allah (swt).
Ibn Mas’ud narrated that Allah’s Messenger (saw) said to his wife Umm Habiba: “Verily you have asked Allah about the duration of life already set, and the steps you would take, and the sustenance the share of which is fixed. Nothing will take place before its due time, and nothing will be deferred beyond when it is due.” [Muslim].
These two concepts from the Islamic aqeedah (belief) mark a believer as being distinctive from the kuffar. The belief that his wealth is provided by Allah is in conflict with the widely held belief that it is the individual through his own efforts or job who provides rizq for himself. Secondly this allocation is fixed and unchangeable despite our efforts to increase it. This is also a distinct view. Together they provide a variety of unique effects.
Muslims believe in rizq because it is contained in the miraculous text of the Qur’an and explained in the sunnah of Allah’s Messenger, as well as it being something we can appreciate by studying the reality around us. Some confusion may arise when attempting to understand its application in everyday life, after all a hot shot financial analyst surrounded by all the trappings of 21st century life has so much wealth because of his work and his pay cheque, as compared to a lowly farmer in the developing world and his humble surroundings. Actually it is perfectly demonstrable that the difference in rizq is beyond the control of man and is the work of divine providence.
What we control
It is easily understood that there is a sphere in which men have been granted control by Allah (swt) i.e. our words and our chosen actions. It is also self evident that there is a sphere which is beyond the influence of man, and which Allah as the Master of creation controls all - the weather, if a flipped coin lands heads or tail - so called ‘luck’, and generally everything man has no control over.
People often confuse the circumstances by which we attain our rizq with the actual of cause of rizq. If these circumstances such as our profession were the true causes of rizq then they should not fail in producing a particular amount of rizq, but it can clearly be seen that they do not guarantee the rizq. These circumstances may exist but the individual for some reason doesn’t gain the expected income. On the other hand someone may be uneducated, unemployed and poor but becomes a millionaire overnight for some reason such as winning a competition, inheriting wealth, etc. If circumstances such as status, education and profession were determining factors of rizq then this would not be the case.
An employee might work for a whole month but he is prevented from his expected income due to settling a previous debt, or spending money on those whose maintenance he is obliged to provide, or by paying taxes. In such a situation, the circumstance which brings the provision (i.e. the employee's work), the rizq was not obtained since he did not get his wages. On the other hand, there might be someone in his house in tower hamlets, to whom the postman brings the news that so and so relative of his in America has died, leaving him as the sole inheritor, and that all of his wealth will pass into his hands. This rizq came to him even though he didn’t imagine it ever becoming so wealthy.
Wealth can come to us in many ways and leave us in many ways. One may inherit wealth, or find it - like hidden treasure in a pirate story or a ten pound note on the street. One may be made redundant, or be given a raise, robbed of all one’s wealth by a highwayman or conned by a grifter. These are only a few scenarios from a long list of possibilities that happen to people every day, some unable to gain the income they worked for and others obtaining wealth without working for it. Therefore the circumstances in which rizq is obtained are as a rule, conditions of rizq and not its causes.
Simply put, it is not within our control to choose how wealthy we are, otherwise we could all will ourselves to be millionaires and own properties in Mayfair. This does not mean we go to the extreme of leaving our work and obligation to ourselves and our family as this would be disobeying the laws of Allah (swt). Rather we do the best actions we can (as providence usually favours the prepared), but with the firm belief that provision is from Allah (swt) alone. The Prophet (saw) advised a man, “Tie the camel and trust in Allah”.
This teaches us that we need to look after the means within our control but must continuously trust in Allah (swt). Islam doesn’t promote fatalism or laziness, it was narrated that Umar bin Al-Khattab (ra) passed by some people, who were known as readers of the Qur’an. He saw them sitting and bending their heads, and asked who they were. He was told: "They are those who depend (al-mutawwakiloon) upon Allah (SWT)." Umar replied: "No, they are the eaters who eat the people’s properties. Do you want me to describe those who really depend upon Allah (al-mutawwakiloon) are?" He was answered in the affirmative, and then he said: "He is the person who throws the seeds in the earth and depends on His Lord The Almighty, The Exalted (‘azza wa jalla)."
In difficult times
A Muslim must always rely upon Allah (swt), this belief gives the believer the strength to overcome difficulties. Someone with the correct understanding that his provision is from Allah (swt), will trust fully in Allah (swt) to provide for him especially when times are difficult.
Allah (swt) said: “Allah increases the provision (rizq) for whom he wills, and straitens (it from whom He wills), and they rejoice in the life of the world, whereas the life of this world as compared with the hereafter is but a brief passing enjoyment” [TMQ Ar-Ra’d: 26].
So if times are difficult the true believer sees it as a test from Allah (swt), and it is He (swt) who will provide what is due. We take heed in what the ayah states that the life of this world “…is but a brief passing enjoyment.”
Confronted with difficult times, another may be tempted in desperation to resort to prohibited (haram) means such as stealing, fraud or taking out an interest bearing loan. There is no such temptation for the steadfast believer who understands that his rizq is from Allah (swt) and he just needs to go out and try his best to earn it in a permitted (halal) way.
The prohibited choices are many, stocks and shares in PLC companies, prohibited mortgages to become landlords or other usurious means, many of which Muslims have delved into, to their great loss.
One failure is the failure to understand their rizq comes from Allah (swt) alone. In believing they have increased their allotment through their choice they are actually deceived, because the only matter they controlled was their choice to do something forbidden and hateful in the eyes of Allah (swt) or not. We should realise that the rizq allotted by Allah (swt) for us will come to us whether we undertake haram or halal actions to obtain it, it is our loss if we follow the path towards jahannam (hell fire) chasing after wealth which has been predestined for us. The great scholar Nu’man ibn Thabit, otherwise known as Abu Hanifah explained this point when he asked a thief why he is stealing from his own rizq i.e. stealing to obtain something which he would come to him anyway.
Value of wealth
One final quality of the believer who has understood rizq in its correct context, is the small value he places upon his wealth, or rather the value he places upon it is of a different type. He knows it is a burden, he knows his provision is fixed and that Allah (swt) will provide for him so there is no need to fear in spending his wealth freely in a righteous manner, as these deeds will benefit him in the hereafter whereas the material wealth he accumulates and the items he has bought with them and covets will not.
A pure understanding, well thought out and free from doubt, of key notions like rizq, the value of deeds and the insignificance of this dunya (wordly life), causes a believer to be freed from the struggle to accumulate wealth to purchase the next best thing and places his focus upon actions instead. It will also produce an individual who sticks to the shariah rules when obtaining wealth and someone who is characterised with generosity, actively seeking useful ways to spend or invest his wealth which will benefit him through earning Allah’s pleasure. Compare this to the struggle of most people to save for a faster car, a bigger house, or the finest fashions.
“Verily Allah provides sustenance to whom He wills.” [TMQ al-Imran: 37]
Friday, May 27, 2011
The Duties of Brotherhood In Islam
"Surely the believers are but brothers. So set things right between your two brothers, and be aware of God- perhaps you will obtain mercy". (Quran 49:10)
Man is lonely today, as he never was. You live in a crowded world; you are tied into an intricate network of social links and bonds; like a tiny atom, you are whirling around in the company of a multitude of others like you, acting and interacting with each other; yet, you are 'lonely'. 'Loneliness' is one of those 'gifts' which modern secularist and technological civilisation has bestowed upon you. For your bonds, however numerous have been drained of warmth; your links, however sophisticated, have turned mechanical; the entire network of your social relationships has become an abstract mosaic, devoid of life and intensity. And with what consequences - alienation, personality disturbance, emotional distress, a high crime rate and empty lives.
Unless the human bonds are again infused with affection and the warmth of love and brotherhood, man will never be able to taste the rich joys and pleasures of living together. It is this blessing of love and brotherhood which is one of the greatest sources of sustenance and nourishment for man- spiritually, morally, intellectually, socially and even physically. The 'lonely' man- a product of our age- is wandering in search of bonds which will not snap like dry twigs and leave him in the lurch.
One of the greatest blessings of Islam is it's admirable success in creating strong, warm, rich and durable bonds of love and brotherhood between man and man. It has done so on the basis of faith in one God, tawhid; but it has also inspired man to follow a pattern of behaviour which will sustain and strengthen mutual brotherhood.
Therefore, let us familarise ourselves with the contract of brotherhood. A contract that is a bond between two persons, like the contract of marriage between two spouses. For just as marriage gives rise to certain duties which must be fulfilled when it is entered into, so does the contract of brotherhood confer upon your brother a certain right touching your property, your person, your tongue and your heart-by way of forgiveness, prayer, sincerity, loyalty, relief and considerateness. In all, according to Al-Ghazalli's treatise on, 'The duties of brotherhood', comprises of eight duties, these being the material assistance duty, personal aid duty, duties of holding one's tongue, speaking out, forgiveness, prayer, loyalty and sincerity and informality.
Over the coming weeks inshAllah our weekly bulletin will cover the eight duties of brotherhood beginning with the first duty of material assistence.
The Prophet SAW said, "None of you truly believes until he wishes for his brother what he wishes for himself"' (An-Nawawi's Fourty Hadith)
One of the most important teachings of Islam is brotherhood for the sake of Allah. It is with this intention of infusing love and brotherhood that we present the following treatise, "The Duties of Brotherhood in Islam," written by Imam al-Ghazzali (R). The treatise comes from the second quarter of Ihya'. Imam Abu Hamid Muhammad ibn Muhammad al-Tusi al-Shafi'i al-Ghazzali (R) was born in 1058 at Tus in Persia, and lived till 1111 C.E. This was the time when the Abbasid Caliphate was falling. The Seljuk Turks in the North and the Fatimids in the South began to play leading roles. There was also a great deal of antagonism between all these factions. It was during this critical period that he wrote Ihya' ulum al-din.
It was the custom of early Muslims following the example of the Prophet (S: May Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) and his Companions (RA: may Allah be pleased with them), to commit themselves to a "contract" of brotherhood with fellow Muslims. Commenting on this "contract" al-Ghazzali wrote, "Know that the contract of brotherhood is a bond between two persons, like the contract of marriage between two spouses. For just as marriage gives rise to certain duties which must be fulfilled when it is entered into, so does the contract of brotherhood confer upon your brother a certain right touching your property, your person, your tongue and your heart - by way of forgiveness, prayer, sincerity, loyalty, relief and considerateness."
According to Imam al-Ghazzali (R) there are eight duties of brotherhood in Islam.
The first duty is the material one. Muhammad (S) said, "Two brothers are likened to a pair of hands, one of which washes the other." That means the two are like one person. In thus sharing one's property with one's brother there are three degrees -- (i) the lowest degree is where he places his brother on the same footing as his servant, attending to his needs from his surplus. To oblige him to ask is the ultimate shortcoming in brotherly duty; (ii) at the second degree he places his brother on the same footing as himself. He shares his property equally with him; (iii) at the third degree he prefers his brother to himself and sets his need before his own. This is the degree of the siddiq. Self-sacrifice is one of the fruits of this degree. If any of these stages are not present, then the contract of brotherhood is not yet concluded.
A man came to Ibrahim ibn-Adham (R) as the latter was leaving for Jerusalem, and said, "I wish to be your traveling companion." [1]
Ibrahim: "On condition that I have more right to your goods than you yourself."
-- "No."
-- "I admire your sincerity," replied Ibrahim ibn-Adham (R).
He would only take those as his companions who were in harmony with him.
Ali (RA) said, "Twenty dirhams I give to my brother in God are dearer to me than one hundred I give in alms to the needy." Muhammad (S) said, "Each time two people are in company together, the dearer to God is he who is kinder to his companion." Ali ibn-Husayn ibn-Ali (R) said to a man, "Does one of you put your hand in the pocket or purse of his brother and take what he needs without his permission?"
--"No."
-- "Then you are not brothers,” was his reply.
Abu Sulayman al-Darani (R) used to say, "If I owned the whole world to put in the mouth of a brother of mine I would still deem it too little for him." [2]
The second duty is to render personal aid in the satisfaction of needs, attending to them without waiting to be asked, and giving them priority over personal needs. Jafar ibn-Muhammad (R) said, "I make haste to satisfy the needs of my enemies, lest I reject them and they do without me." If this be the attitude towards enemies, how then towards friends? A Muslim in those days would see to the maintenance of his brother's wife and children for forty years after his brother's death, attending to their needs, visiting them daily, and providing for them from his wealth so that they missed only the father's person; in deed, they were treated as not even by their father in his life time.
Maymun ibn-Mihran (R) said, "If you reap no benefit from a man's friendship, his enmity will not hurt you." Al-Hassan (RA) used to say, "Our brothers are dearer to us than our families and our children, because our families remind us of this world while our brothers remind us of the Other." Ata (R) said, "Seek out your brothers after three occasions. If they are sick, visit them. If they are busy, help them. If they have forgotten, remind them."
Ibn-Abbas (RA) was asked, "Who is dearest of men to you?"
--"One who sits in my company,” he replied.
He also said, "If someone sits in my company three times without having need of me, I learn where he is placed in the world."
The third duty concerns the tongue, which should be silent, and at other times speak out. As for silence, the tongue should not mention a brother's faults in his absence or presence. Rather one should feign ignorance. He should not contradict his brother when he talks, nor dispute nor argue with him. He should keep silent about the secrets his brother confides in him, and on no account divulge them to a third party - not even to the closest friends of his brother; keep silent from criticism of his dear ones, his family and his children; also from relating other people's criticism of him. However, he should not hide any praise he may hear. Concealment here would mean envy. Muhammad (S) said, "Seek refuge with God from the bad neighbor who sees some good and conceals it, sees some bad and reveals it."
As for mentioning his misdeeds and faults, this is slander and unlawful. Two things should turn one away from it. First, examine his own condition and if he finds there one blameworthy thing then he should be tolerant of what he sees in his brother. Second, he cannot find a blame-less person.
Ibn -al Mubarak (R) said, "The believer tries to find excuses for others, while the hypocrite looks out for mistakes." Muhammad (S) said, "God has forbidden a believer to temper with the blood, property or honor of another, or to hold a bad suspicion of him." Concealing faults, feigning ignorance of them and overlooking them --this is the mark of religious people. Muhammad (S) said, "If a man veils his brother's shame, God will veil him in this world and the Other."
Silence includes abstaining from dispute and contradiction whatever his brother talks about. Ibn-Abbas (RA) said, "Do not dispute with the fool, for he will hurt you; nor with the mild man, for he will dislike you." Al-Hassan (RA) said, "Do not buy the enmity of one man for the love of a thousand men."
The fourth duty is to use the tongue to speak out. He should use the tongue to express affection for his brother. Muhammad (S) said, "If one of you loves his brother, let him know it." Umar (RA) said, "There are three ways of showing sincere brotherly love: give him the greeting "Salam" when you first meet him, make him comfortable, and call him by his favorite names." Still fundamental is that he communicates to him the praise of anyone who praises him, showing his pleasure, for to hide such praise would be pure envy. Ali (RA) said, "He who does not praise his brother for his good intention will not praise him for his good deed."
Muhammad (S) said, "The Muslim is brother to the Muslim. He does not wrong him, does not forsake him, and does not betray him." He also said, "Abu Hirr! Be a good neighbor to your neighbor and you will be a Muslim. Be a good fellow to your companion and you will be a Mu'min." Note the distinction between the excellence of Iman and the excellence of Islam.
The duty to use the tongue also embraces instruction and advice. If one teaches and instructs his brother and yet he does not act in accordance with the knowledge conveyed, then one is obliged to advise. Imam al-Shafi'i (R) said, "To admonish your brother in private is to advise him and improve him. But to admonish him publicly is to disgrace and shame him." Dhul-Nun (R) said, "In fellowship with God, only concord. In fellowship with men, only sincere advice. With the self, only opposition. With Shaytan, only enmity."
The fifth duty is forgiveness of mistakes and failings. The failings of a friend must be one of two kinds -- either in his religion or in his duty (to you). In the case of religion, when he commits an offence and persists in it, he must be advised kindly. If he remains obstinate at this point, there seems to be a divergence in opinion among the Sahabas and Tabi'ins (R). Abu Dharr (RA) said, "If your brother turns his back on his duty, hate him as you used to love him." This course he considered to be dictated by love for Allah's sake and hate for Allah's sake.
Ibrahim al-Nakha'i (R) said, "Do not break off from your brother and do not shun him on account of a sin he has committed, for he may commit it today but give it up tomorrow."
Fellowship is a bond of flesh, like the bond of blood-kinship, and it is not permissible to shun a kinsman on account of his offence. Brotherhood in religion is firmer than brotherhood in kinship. Al-Hassan (RA) used to say, "How many a brother was not born of your mother." Imam Jafar al-Sadiq (R) said, "The affection of a day is a link. That of a month is kinship. That of a year is a blood-tie. If anyone cuts it, God will cut him off." [2]
As for his error in brotherly duty (to you), by which he causes alienation, he should be forgiven and shown patience. It has been said that one should seek seventy excuses for one's brother's misdeed, and if his heart will accept none of them he should turn the blame upon himself, saying to his heart, "How hard you are! Your brother pleads seventy excuses, yet you will not accept him. You are the one at fault, not your brother."
Whenever his brother apologizes to him, he should accept his excuse -- be he lying or telling the truth. Muhammad (S) said, "If a man's brother apologizes to him and he does not accept his excuse, he incurs a sin like that of a tax-collector." He also said, "The believer is quick to anger, quick to be content." Umar (RA) said, "Let not your love become attachment, nor your hate become destruction." That is, do not perish yourself by wishing your fellow's destruction.
The sixth duty is to pray for one's brother, during his life and after his death. He should pray for him as he prays for himself, making no distinction at all between them. For in reality his prayer for his brother is a prayer for himself. Muhammad (S) said, "Whenever a man prays for his brother in secret, the angel says, And to you the same." According to a tradition: a man's prayer for his brother, in secret, is not rejected. Abu Darda (RA) used to say, "I pray for seventy of my brothers during my prostration, naming them by their names."
It is related that Muhammad (S) said, "The dead man in his grave is like one ship-wrecked, completely dependent for everything. He waits for a prayer from a son or brother or relative." Truly, lights like mountains enter the tombs of the dead from the prayer of the living.
The seventh duty is loyalty and sincerity. The meaning of loyalty is steadfastness in love and maintaining it to the death with one's brother, and after his death with his children and his fellows. The prophet (S) said, "Among the seven whom Allah keeps in His shadow are also two men who love each other for His sake, constant whether together or apart." Someone said, "A little loyalty after death is better than much during a lifetime." Allah said, "Tell My servants to say what is kindlier. Surely, Shaytan sets them in variance." (Al-Qur'an 17:53). Lasting affection is that which is for Allah's sake.
Part of loyalty is not to let the relationship with the brother degenerate into humiliation. One of the early believers counseled his son, "My son, take no man for your fellow unless he draws near you when you need him and is not jealous of you when you can manage without him. When his station is exalted he should not lord it over you." Loyalty includes not listening to gossip about one's friend, not befriending his enemy either. Imam al-Shafi'i (R) said, "If your friend obeys your enemy, they share in enmity towards you."
The eighth duty is relief from discomfort and inconvenience. One should not discomfort one's brother with things that are awkward for him, he should not ask him for help with money or influence. No, the sole objective of his love should be God, being blessed by his brother's prayer, enjoying his company, receiving assistance from him in his religion, drawing close to God through attending to his rights and bearing his provision.
Someone said, "He who demands of his brothers what they do not demand, wrongs them. He who demands of them the same as they demand, wearies them. He who makes no demands is their benefactor."
Complete relief means wiping out discomfort until the brother feels no more embarrassment (from you) than from himself. Al-Junayed (R) said, "If two became brothers for God's sake, and one of them is uncomfortable or embarrassed with his fellow, there must be a fault in one of them." A'isha (RA) said, "The believer is brother to the believer. He does not plunder him, nor does he embarrass him."
There are three kinds of people: a man from whose fellowship one can benefit; a man one can be of benefit to, and by whom one will not be hurt, though one cannot benefit from him; and a man whom one cannot benefit and by whom one will be hurt, namely the fool or man of evil character. The third type one should avoid. As for the second, one should not shun him, for one will benefit in the Other World by his intercession and prayers, and by one's reward for attending to him.
One of the Companions (RA) said, "Allah has cursed those who cause discomfort." Relief and lack of fuss is only complete when one considers oneself beneath his brothers and thinks highly of them, but poorly of him. When he considers them better than himself, he is actually better than they! Perfection lies seeing the greater merit in the brother. A brother should never be belittled. The Prophet (S) said, "The believer can do no worse than belittle his brother."
The completion of comfort and freedom from embarrassment includes consulting one's brothers in all his plans, and in accepting their suggestions. None of his secrets should be hidden from them.
May we all benefit from these noble teachings of Islam.
Annotations:
[1]. Ibrahim ibn Adham (R) was born in Balkh (in present-day Afghanistan) in a princely family, who renounced his kingdom to live a life of complete asceticism. He died around 165 AH. He was a disciple of the Imam Abu Hanifah (R).
[2]. Imam Jafar al-Sadiq (R), the son of Imam Baqir (R), was a contemporary of Imam Abu Hanifah (R).
~Peace.
Man is lonely today, as he never was. You live in a crowded world; you are tied into an intricate network of social links and bonds; like a tiny atom, you are whirling around in the company of a multitude of others like you, acting and interacting with each other; yet, you are 'lonely'. 'Loneliness' is one of those 'gifts' which modern secularist and technological civilisation has bestowed upon you. For your bonds, however numerous have been drained of warmth; your links, however sophisticated, have turned mechanical; the entire network of your social relationships has become an abstract mosaic, devoid of life and intensity. And with what consequences - alienation, personality disturbance, emotional distress, a high crime rate and empty lives.
Unless the human bonds are again infused with affection and the warmth of love and brotherhood, man will never be able to taste the rich joys and pleasures of living together. It is this blessing of love and brotherhood which is one of the greatest sources of sustenance and nourishment for man- spiritually, morally, intellectually, socially and even physically. The 'lonely' man- a product of our age- is wandering in search of bonds which will not snap like dry twigs and leave him in the lurch.
One of the greatest blessings of Islam is it's admirable success in creating strong, warm, rich and durable bonds of love and brotherhood between man and man. It has done so on the basis of faith in one God, tawhid; but it has also inspired man to follow a pattern of behaviour which will sustain and strengthen mutual brotherhood.
Therefore, let us familarise ourselves with the contract of brotherhood. A contract that is a bond between two persons, like the contract of marriage between two spouses. For just as marriage gives rise to certain duties which must be fulfilled when it is entered into, so does the contract of brotherhood confer upon your brother a certain right touching your property, your person, your tongue and your heart-by way of forgiveness, prayer, sincerity, loyalty, relief and considerateness. In all, according to Al-Ghazalli's treatise on, 'The duties of brotherhood', comprises of eight duties, these being the material assistance duty, personal aid duty, duties of holding one's tongue, speaking out, forgiveness, prayer, loyalty and sincerity and informality.
Over the coming weeks inshAllah our weekly bulletin will cover the eight duties of brotherhood beginning with the first duty of material assistence.
The Prophet SAW said, "None of you truly believes until he wishes for his brother what he wishes for himself"' (An-Nawawi's Fourty Hadith)
One of the most important teachings of Islam is brotherhood for the sake of Allah. It is with this intention of infusing love and brotherhood that we present the following treatise, "The Duties of Brotherhood in Islam," written by Imam al-Ghazzali (R). The treatise comes from the second quarter of Ihya'. Imam Abu Hamid Muhammad ibn Muhammad al-Tusi al-Shafi'i al-Ghazzali (R) was born in 1058 at Tus in Persia, and lived till 1111 C.E. This was the time when the Abbasid Caliphate was falling. The Seljuk Turks in the North and the Fatimids in the South began to play leading roles. There was also a great deal of antagonism between all these factions. It was during this critical period that he wrote Ihya' ulum al-din.
It was the custom of early Muslims following the example of the Prophet (S: May Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) and his Companions (RA: may Allah be pleased with them), to commit themselves to a "contract" of brotherhood with fellow Muslims. Commenting on this "contract" al-Ghazzali wrote, "Know that the contract of brotherhood is a bond between two persons, like the contract of marriage between two spouses. For just as marriage gives rise to certain duties which must be fulfilled when it is entered into, so does the contract of brotherhood confer upon your brother a certain right touching your property, your person, your tongue and your heart - by way of forgiveness, prayer, sincerity, loyalty, relief and considerateness."
According to Imam al-Ghazzali (R) there are eight duties of brotherhood in Islam.
The first duty is the material one. Muhammad (S) said, "Two brothers are likened to a pair of hands, one of which washes the other." That means the two are like one person. In thus sharing one's property with one's brother there are three degrees -- (i) the lowest degree is where he places his brother on the same footing as his servant, attending to his needs from his surplus. To oblige him to ask is the ultimate shortcoming in brotherly duty; (ii) at the second degree he places his brother on the same footing as himself. He shares his property equally with him; (iii) at the third degree he prefers his brother to himself and sets his need before his own. This is the degree of the siddiq. Self-sacrifice is one of the fruits of this degree. If any of these stages are not present, then the contract of brotherhood is not yet concluded.
A man came to Ibrahim ibn-Adham (R) as the latter was leaving for Jerusalem, and said, "I wish to be your traveling companion." [1]
Ibrahim: "On condition that I have more right to your goods than you yourself."
-- "No."
-- "I admire your sincerity," replied Ibrahim ibn-Adham (R).
He would only take those as his companions who were in harmony with him.
Ali (RA) said, "Twenty dirhams I give to my brother in God are dearer to me than one hundred I give in alms to the needy." Muhammad (S) said, "Each time two people are in company together, the dearer to God is he who is kinder to his companion." Ali ibn-Husayn ibn-Ali (R) said to a man, "Does one of you put your hand in the pocket or purse of his brother and take what he needs without his permission?"
--"No."
-- "Then you are not brothers,” was his reply.
Abu Sulayman al-Darani (R) used to say, "If I owned the whole world to put in the mouth of a brother of mine I would still deem it too little for him." [2]
The second duty is to render personal aid in the satisfaction of needs, attending to them without waiting to be asked, and giving them priority over personal needs. Jafar ibn-Muhammad (R) said, "I make haste to satisfy the needs of my enemies, lest I reject them and they do without me." If this be the attitude towards enemies, how then towards friends? A Muslim in those days would see to the maintenance of his brother's wife and children for forty years after his brother's death, attending to their needs, visiting them daily, and providing for them from his wealth so that they missed only the father's person; in deed, they were treated as not even by their father in his life time.
Maymun ibn-Mihran (R) said, "If you reap no benefit from a man's friendship, his enmity will not hurt you." Al-Hassan (RA) used to say, "Our brothers are dearer to us than our families and our children, because our families remind us of this world while our brothers remind us of the Other." Ata (R) said, "Seek out your brothers after three occasions. If they are sick, visit them. If they are busy, help them. If they have forgotten, remind them."
Ibn-Abbas (RA) was asked, "Who is dearest of men to you?"
--"One who sits in my company,” he replied.
He also said, "If someone sits in my company three times without having need of me, I learn where he is placed in the world."
The third duty concerns the tongue, which should be silent, and at other times speak out. As for silence, the tongue should not mention a brother's faults in his absence or presence. Rather one should feign ignorance. He should not contradict his brother when he talks, nor dispute nor argue with him. He should keep silent about the secrets his brother confides in him, and on no account divulge them to a third party - not even to the closest friends of his brother; keep silent from criticism of his dear ones, his family and his children; also from relating other people's criticism of him. However, he should not hide any praise he may hear. Concealment here would mean envy. Muhammad (S) said, "Seek refuge with God from the bad neighbor who sees some good and conceals it, sees some bad and reveals it."
As for mentioning his misdeeds and faults, this is slander and unlawful. Two things should turn one away from it. First, examine his own condition and if he finds there one blameworthy thing then he should be tolerant of what he sees in his brother. Second, he cannot find a blame-less person.
Ibn -al Mubarak (R) said, "The believer tries to find excuses for others, while the hypocrite looks out for mistakes." Muhammad (S) said, "God has forbidden a believer to temper with the blood, property or honor of another, or to hold a bad suspicion of him." Concealing faults, feigning ignorance of them and overlooking them --this is the mark of religious people. Muhammad (S) said, "If a man veils his brother's shame, God will veil him in this world and the Other."
Silence includes abstaining from dispute and contradiction whatever his brother talks about. Ibn-Abbas (RA) said, "Do not dispute with the fool, for he will hurt you; nor with the mild man, for he will dislike you." Al-Hassan (RA) said, "Do not buy the enmity of one man for the love of a thousand men."
The fourth duty is to use the tongue to speak out. He should use the tongue to express affection for his brother. Muhammad (S) said, "If one of you loves his brother, let him know it." Umar (RA) said, "There are three ways of showing sincere brotherly love: give him the greeting "Salam" when you first meet him, make him comfortable, and call him by his favorite names." Still fundamental is that he communicates to him the praise of anyone who praises him, showing his pleasure, for to hide such praise would be pure envy. Ali (RA) said, "He who does not praise his brother for his good intention will not praise him for his good deed."
Muhammad (S) said, "The Muslim is brother to the Muslim. He does not wrong him, does not forsake him, and does not betray him." He also said, "Abu Hirr! Be a good neighbor to your neighbor and you will be a Muslim. Be a good fellow to your companion and you will be a Mu'min." Note the distinction between the excellence of Iman and the excellence of Islam.
The duty to use the tongue also embraces instruction and advice. If one teaches and instructs his brother and yet he does not act in accordance with the knowledge conveyed, then one is obliged to advise. Imam al-Shafi'i (R) said, "To admonish your brother in private is to advise him and improve him. But to admonish him publicly is to disgrace and shame him." Dhul-Nun (R) said, "In fellowship with God, only concord. In fellowship with men, only sincere advice. With the self, only opposition. With Shaytan, only enmity."
The fifth duty is forgiveness of mistakes and failings. The failings of a friend must be one of two kinds -- either in his religion or in his duty (to you). In the case of religion, when he commits an offence and persists in it, he must be advised kindly. If he remains obstinate at this point, there seems to be a divergence in opinion among the Sahabas and Tabi'ins (R). Abu Dharr (RA) said, "If your brother turns his back on his duty, hate him as you used to love him." This course he considered to be dictated by love for Allah's sake and hate for Allah's sake.
Ibrahim al-Nakha'i (R) said, "Do not break off from your brother and do not shun him on account of a sin he has committed, for he may commit it today but give it up tomorrow."
Fellowship is a bond of flesh, like the bond of blood-kinship, and it is not permissible to shun a kinsman on account of his offence. Brotherhood in religion is firmer than brotherhood in kinship. Al-Hassan (RA) used to say, "How many a brother was not born of your mother." Imam Jafar al-Sadiq (R) said, "The affection of a day is a link. That of a month is kinship. That of a year is a blood-tie. If anyone cuts it, God will cut him off." [2]
As for his error in brotherly duty (to you), by which he causes alienation, he should be forgiven and shown patience. It has been said that one should seek seventy excuses for one's brother's misdeed, and if his heart will accept none of them he should turn the blame upon himself, saying to his heart, "How hard you are! Your brother pleads seventy excuses, yet you will not accept him. You are the one at fault, not your brother."
Whenever his brother apologizes to him, he should accept his excuse -- be he lying or telling the truth. Muhammad (S) said, "If a man's brother apologizes to him and he does not accept his excuse, he incurs a sin like that of a tax-collector." He also said, "The believer is quick to anger, quick to be content." Umar (RA) said, "Let not your love become attachment, nor your hate become destruction." That is, do not perish yourself by wishing your fellow's destruction.
The sixth duty is to pray for one's brother, during his life and after his death. He should pray for him as he prays for himself, making no distinction at all between them. For in reality his prayer for his brother is a prayer for himself. Muhammad (S) said, "Whenever a man prays for his brother in secret, the angel says, And to you the same." According to a tradition: a man's prayer for his brother, in secret, is not rejected. Abu Darda (RA) used to say, "I pray for seventy of my brothers during my prostration, naming them by their names."
It is related that Muhammad (S) said, "The dead man in his grave is like one ship-wrecked, completely dependent for everything. He waits for a prayer from a son or brother or relative." Truly, lights like mountains enter the tombs of the dead from the prayer of the living.
The seventh duty is loyalty and sincerity. The meaning of loyalty is steadfastness in love and maintaining it to the death with one's brother, and after his death with his children and his fellows. The prophet (S) said, "Among the seven whom Allah keeps in His shadow are also two men who love each other for His sake, constant whether together or apart." Someone said, "A little loyalty after death is better than much during a lifetime." Allah said, "Tell My servants to say what is kindlier. Surely, Shaytan sets them in variance." (Al-Qur'an 17:53). Lasting affection is that which is for Allah's sake.
Part of loyalty is not to let the relationship with the brother degenerate into humiliation. One of the early believers counseled his son, "My son, take no man for your fellow unless he draws near you when you need him and is not jealous of you when you can manage without him. When his station is exalted he should not lord it over you." Loyalty includes not listening to gossip about one's friend, not befriending his enemy either. Imam al-Shafi'i (R) said, "If your friend obeys your enemy, they share in enmity towards you."
The eighth duty is relief from discomfort and inconvenience. One should not discomfort one's brother with things that are awkward for him, he should not ask him for help with money or influence. No, the sole objective of his love should be God, being blessed by his brother's prayer, enjoying his company, receiving assistance from him in his religion, drawing close to God through attending to his rights and bearing his provision.
Someone said, "He who demands of his brothers what they do not demand, wrongs them. He who demands of them the same as they demand, wearies them. He who makes no demands is their benefactor."
Complete relief means wiping out discomfort until the brother feels no more embarrassment (from you) than from himself. Al-Junayed (R) said, "If two became brothers for God's sake, and one of them is uncomfortable or embarrassed with his fellow, there must be a fault in one of them." A'isha (RA) said, "The believer is brother to the believer. He does not plunder him, nor does he embarrass him."
There are three kinds of people: a man from whose fellowship one can benefit; a man one can be of benefit to, and by whom one will not be hurt, though one cannot benefit from him; and a man whom one cannot benefit and by whom one will be hurt, namely the fool or man of evil character. The third type one should avoid. As for the second, one should not shun him, for one will benefit in the Other World by his intercession and prayers, and by one's reward for attending to him.
One of the Companions (RA) said, "Allah has cursed those who cause discomfort." Relief and lack of fuss is only complete when one considers oneself beneath his brothers and thinks highly of them, but poorly of him. When he considers them better than himself, he is actually better than they! Perfection lies seeing the greater merit in the brother. A brother should never be belittled. The Prophet (S) said, "The believer can do no worse than belittle his brother."
The completion of comfort and freedom from embarrassment includes consulting one's brothers in all his plans, and in accepting their suggestions. None of his secrets should be hidden from them.
May we all benefit from these noble teachings of Islam.
Annotations:
[1]. Ibrahim ibn Adham (R) was born in Balkh (in present-day Afghanistan) in a princely family, who renounced his kingdom to live a life of complete asceticism. He died around 165 AH. He was a disciple of the Imam Abu Hanifah (R).
[2]. Imam Jafar al-Sadiq (R), the son of Imam Baqir (R), was a contemporary of Imam Abu Hanifah (R).
~Peace.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
The Quest for Tranquility in Marital Life, part 2.
Meaning of Companionship (as-Suhbah)
RasoolAllah (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) taught us that the husband should be reasonable in exacting the rights. For example, the wife is obliged to seek permission before she goes out but this does not mean the husband should prevent her when there is no reason for doing so. Regarding women going to the mosques it has been narrated by Salim bin ‘Abdullah from his father that the Prophet (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) said: “If the wife of any one of you asks permission (to go to the mosque) do not forbid her.” [Reported by Muslim]
Companionship means the husband deals with his wife in a kind and tolerant manner and not in a domineering way. He should not see it as undermining his honour and dignity if his wife disagreed or got angry about something. ‘Aaisha (ra) narrated that Allah’s Messenger (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) said; “‘I know whether you are angry or pleased.’ I said, ‘How do you know that Oh Messenger of Allah?’ He (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) said, ‘When you are pleased, you say, ‘Yes, by the Lord of Muhammad,’ but when you are angry, you say, ‘No, by the Lord of Abraham!’ I said, ‘Yes, I do not leave, except your name.’” [Reported by Muslim]
In addition, it has been narrated that the Prophet of Allah (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) came into Aaisha’s (ra) room and put his hand on Aaisha’s (ra) knee and whispered something in her ear. She placed her hand over his hand trying to push him away. Umm Mubashhar who was with her at the time said; “How could you do this to Allah’s Messenger?” The Messenger (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) laughed and said; “Leave her; she does this and much worse!” [Reported by al-Bukhari in at-Tarikh]
Companionship means that husbands and wives should help each other in their responsibilities. Just because the wife is responsible for doing the housework does not mean the husband should not help out. Aaisha (ra) describes the behaviour of RasoolAllah (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) when he was in the house – she says; “RasoolAllah (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) used to be in the service (mihnah i.e. khidmah) of his family; and when it was time for prayer, he would go out to pray.” [Reported by al-Bukhari]
Despite being the ruler of Madinah, at home he led a very humble life. Aaisha said; “He acted like other men; he would mend his clothes, milk his goat and serve himself.” [Reported by al-Bukhari in al-Adab al-Mufrad].
Furthermore, RasoolAllah (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) never lost his temper, even if there was too much salt in the food. Abu Hurairah narrated that; ‘RasoolAllah (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) never criticised the food, if he liked it he ate it and if not he left it’ [Reported by Muslim]
Companionship also means overlooking mistakes or defects that one may not like in ones wife or vice versa. RasoolAllah (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) said: “Let not a believing man hate a believing woman. If he dislikes a character in her, he would be pleased with her other characters.” [Reported by Muslim]
Therefore, the husband should not pick on every little thing and continuously find faults. Rather he should be prepared to forget them by remembering the good qualities his wife has.
Companionship means closeness and intimacy and not an estranged relationship where the spouses rarely talk to each other unless something needs to be done. If one reflects on the nature of married life one can appreciate its importance. So for example, during the day a wife would naturally build up and accumulate many issues that she wants to discuss with her husband. So when the husband comes home she wants, for want of a better word, to ‘download’ all the stresses and difficulties and share them with him. But if the husband comes home and turns on the TV and ignores her then this can be very frustrating for her. That is why if we look to RasoolAllah (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) we see that it was his practise after Isha to spend a part of the evening chatting (samr) with his wives. RasoolAllah (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) also used to joke with his wives. He (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) said: “Everything in which there is no dhikr (remembrance) of Allah is nonsense, negligence and futile except four things: that a man should joke with his wife…” [Reported by an-Nasa`i].
So here RasoolAllah did not consider joking with his wives a useless activity.
Companionship means romance, fondness and affection. Listen to Aaisha (ra), the mother of the believers, when she said: “I would drink when I was menstruating, then I would hand it (the vessel) to the Messenger (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) and he would put his mouth where mine had been, and drink, and I would eat flesh from a bone when I was menstruating, then hand it over to the Apostle (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) and he would put his mouth where mine had been.” [Reported by Muslim in Kitab al-Hayd]
As for his wives they also felt about him in the same way. Ahmad narrated in his Musnad on the authority of Kareemah bin Hummaam that she said to Aaisha: O mother of the believers! What do you say regarding the use of Henna? She replied; “My beloved (habeebi i.e. referring to RasoolAllah (salAllahu alaihi wasallam)) used to like it!”
Chatting with Aaisha (ra)…
As mentioned previously, the Prophet (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) used to chat in the evening with his wives. One such evening he told Aaisha (ra) the following beautiful story of eleven women who met in the days of ignorance (jahilliyah) and promised to tell each other the truth about their husbands. The types of husbands described in this story can give us wonderful examples as to the type of qualities a husband should seek or avoid. The first five have reprehensible qualities whilst the rest all have laudable qualities.
Wife number one begins by saying; “My husband is like a bony camel’s meat at the top of a rough mountain. Neither is it easy to reach, nor meaty to desire acquiring.” What she means here is that he husband is unapproachable and not welcoming. When she tries to speak to him he does not listen as if she is not there and when she does manage to get heard he has nothing good to say to her. So the wife feels there’s no point, since the effort is not worth it! Hence, he is described like the useless ‘bony camel’s meat at the top of a rough mountain’ which is frankly not worth the trouble.
Wife number two’s husband is so full of defects that she doesn’t know where to start, so in fact she doesn’t! She said; “If I start I fear I will not be able to stop.” Some scholars commented on this by saying the second wife violated her agreement because she had promised to recount all the defects and she did not do that. Anyway, perhaps she felt it was a pointless and time-consuming exercise as the defects were innumerable.
Wife number three says the following about her husband; “If I utter a word, I shall surely be divorced. And if I remain silent, I will be suspended.” In other words we are dealing with a husband who is trigger happy with the divorce button. She lives in a state of constant fear that for smallest thing she may be divorced. That is why in another narration she said; “I am always in such a state as if I am under a sharp sword. I do not know when my affair will come to an end.” She finds herself in an impossible situation. She can’t speak otherwise she fears being divorced but on the other hand if she remains silent she faces the prospect of living in a state where she is neither married nor divorced i.e. in limbo or ‘suspended’ as she puts it. Her husband never complements her, brings her gifts or other such token gesture. Rather he thinks just by giving her food and clothing he has done his duty!
Wife number four describes a husband who is selfish and only thinks about himself. She says; “As for my husband, when he eats he devours everything; when he drinks, he does not leave anything. When he sleeps, he sleeps in his own sheet. He does not even touch me, so that he can know the disturbance in my mind.” So when the food is laid he doesn’t ask his wife to join him and at night he sleeps alone not caring about what she is thinking or feeling.
Wife number five starts by saying; “My husband is extremely helpless and stupid.” And you can see why she describes him this way as she continues, “He would either cut your head, break one of your limbs, or do both to you”. In other words he is a man who severely beats his wife, something which is deplored in Islam unless it was light and for the purpose of discipline when the wife refuses to discharge her marital responsibilities.
Now we come to the next set of husbands who all have good qualities which every husband should aspire to have.
Wife number six extols the praises of her husband with words that are almost poetic! She says; “My husband is like the night of Tihamah (Makkah and its surroundings) – neither hot nor cold. In his company there is neither fear nor boredom” i.e. here is a husband who is approachable and fun to be with unlike the first husband mentioned above. His company is never boring and she feels completely at ease in his presence.
Wife number seven describes a husband who is confident and strong outside in public but gentle at home – not like those husbands who are gentle outside but feared at home. She says; “My husband, when he enters he acts like a (sleepy) leopard; and when he leaves he acts like a lion.”
Wife number eight has a funny way of describing her husband; “As for my husband, his touch is like that of a rabbit” i.e. she means he is gentle and kind!
Wife number nine and ten both have husbands whose qualities are similar and hence I have grouped them together, i.e. they are generous hosts. Wife number ten says of her husband, “He owns camels that are numerous in their sitting places, and few in the grazing areas. When they hear the sound of the lute, they become certain of their death”. I.e. her husband keeps camels near the house and when they hear the lute playing they know they will be slaughtered.
Now we come to wife number eleven, the last of the wives, who is named in the hadith as Umm Zara’. She describes her husband, Abu Zara’, in the following way; “My husband was Abu Zara’ – and what would you know about Abu Zara’! He made my ears heavy with jewellery, filled my upper arms with flesh (fed me well after my previous state of hunger), and honoured me until my soul was gratified. He took me from among a people with very few sheep and tight living, and placed me among a people who had horses, camels, cows. In his house, I spoke without being rebuffed, slept until late-morning and drank my fill.’ As we can see, Abu Zara’ was a generous man who treated Umm Zara’ immeasurably well and clearly he was the best out of the eleven husbands.
But there is a sad twist to this story. After many years of happy marriage Abu Zara’ divorces Umm Zara’ in favour of a younger woman. But even though Umm Zara’ remarries and is treated well by her second husband, she still laments the loss of Abu Zara’. It is at this point that RasoolAllah turns to Aaisha (ra) saying: “O Aaisha! I am to you like Abu Zara’ was to Umm Zara’ – except that Abu Zara’ divorced (her), and I will not divorce you.” Here, RasoolAllah (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) reminds Aaisha of his favours to her which is better than even Abu Zara’ whose divorced wife still felt his loss. Aaisha knew this very well and so it is no surprise that she responded, “O Allah’s Messenger! You are better to me than Abu Zara’ was to Umm Zara’”. [Reported Bukhari, Muslim, an-Nasa`i, at-Tabarani and at-Tirmidhi in his Shama`il with variant wording]
Conclusion
Although this article only focuses on the marital life between spouses there are a whole host of other problems Muslims in Britain and the West face in their social life such as issues of courtship, marriage, divorce, custody, in-law relationships, maintenance and more besides. Increasingly Muslims are being pushed to resolving these problems by adopting western liberal values. Therefore, we need to be alert to the destructive influence of western concepts and criteria in our lives and begin to study the Islamic solutions on the basis of the Islamic criteria.
Finally, marital life is not just about tranquillity in this life. Our fate in the Akhira also depends on us following Allah’s (subhanahu wa ta’aala) commands and prohibitions regarding this issue. Therefore we must seek to ensure we comply with the rules of Islam in order to achieve tranquillity and satisfaction in this life and in the Akhira to save ourselves from the Hellfire and attain everlasting tranquillity in Paradise.
Kamal Abu Zahra
RasoolAllah (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) taught us that the husband should be reasonable in exacting the rights. For example, the wife is obliged to seek permission before she goes out but this does not mean the husband should prevent her when there is no reason for doing so. Regarding women going to the mosques it has been narrated by Salim bin ‘Abdullah from his father that the Prophet (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) said: “If the wife of any one of you asks permission (to go to the mosque) do not forbid her.” [Reported by Muslim]
Companionship means the husband deals with his wife in a kind and tolerant manner and not in a domineering way. He should not see it as undermining his honour and dignity if his wife disagreed or got angry about something. ‘Aaisha (ra) narrated that Allah’s Messenger (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) said; “‘I know whether you are angry or pleased.’ I said, ‘How do you know that Oh Messenger of Allah?’ He (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) said, ‘When you are pleased, you say, ‘Yes, by the Lord of Muhammad,’ but when you are angry, you say, ‘No, by the Lord of Abraham!’ I said, ‘Yes, I do not leave, except your name.’” [Reported by Muslim]
In addition, it has been narrated that the Prophet of Allah (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) came into Aaisha’s (ra) room and put his hand on Aaisha’s (ra) knee and whispered something in her ear. She placed her hand over his hand trying to push him away. Umm Mubashhar who was with her at the time said; “How could you do this to Allah’s Messenger?” The Messenger (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) laughed and said; “Leave her; she does this and much worse!” [Reported by al-Bukhari in at-Tarikh]
Companionship means that husbands and wives should help each other in their responsibilities. Just because the wife is responsible for doing the housework does not mean the husband should not help out. Aaisha (ra) describes the behaviour of RasoolAllah (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) when he was in the house – she says; “RasoolAllah (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) used to be in the service (mihnah i.e. khidmah) of his family; and when it was time for prayer, he would go out to pray.” [Reported by al-Bukhari]
Despite being the ruler of Madinah, at home he led a very humble life. Aaisha said; “He acted like other men; he would mend his clothes, milk his goat and serve himself.” [Reported by al-Bukhari in al-Adab al-Mufrad].
Furthermore, RasoolAllah (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) never lost his temper, even if there was too much salt in the food. Abu Hurairah narrated that; ‘RasoolAllah (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) never criticised the food, if he liked it he ate it and if not he left it’ [Reported by Muslim]
Companionship also means overlooking mistakes or defects that one may not like in ones wife or vice versa. RasoolAllah (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) said: “Let not a believing man hate a believing woman. If he dislikes a character in her, he would be pleased with her other characters.” [Reported by Muslim]
Therefore, the husband should not pick on every little thing and continuously find faults. Rather he should be prepared to forget them by remembering the good qualities his wife has.
Companionship means closeness and intimacy and not an estranged relationship where the spouses rarely talk to each other unless something needs to be done. If one reflects on the nature of married life one can appreciate its importance. So for example, during the day a wife would naturally build up and accumulate many issues that she wants to discuss with her husband. So when the husband comes home she wants, for want of a better word, to ‘download’ all the stresses and difficulties and share them with him. But if the husband comes home and turns on the TV and ignores her then this can be very frustrating for her. That is why if we look to RasoolAllah (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) we see that it was his practise after Isha to spend a part of the evening chatting (samr) with his wives. RasoolAllah (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) also used to joke with his wives. He (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) said: “Everything in which there is no dhikr (remembrance) of Allah is nonsense, negligence and futile except four things: that a man should joke with his wife…” [Reported by an-Nasa`i].
So here RasoolAllah did not consider joking with his wives a useless activity.
Companionship means romance, fondness and affection. Listen to Aaisha (ra), the mother of the believers, when she said: “I would drink when I was menstruating, then I would hand it (the vessel) to the Messenger (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) and he would put his mouth where mine had been, and drink, and I would eat flesh from a bone when I was menstruating, then hand it over to the Apostle (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) and he would put his mouth where mine had been.” [Reported by Muslim in Kitab al-Hayd]
As for his wives they also felt about him in the same way. Ahmad narrated in his Musnad on the authority of Kareemah bin Hummaam that she said to Aaisha: O mother of the believers! What do you say regarding the use of Henna? She replied; “My beloved (habeebi i.e. referring to RasoolAllah (salAllahu alaihi wasallam)) used to like it!”
Chatting with Aaisha (ra)…
As mentioned previously, the Prophet (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) used to chat in the evening with his wives. One such evening he told Aaisha (ra) the following beautiful story of eleven women who met in the days of ignorance (jahilliyah) and promised to tell each other the truth about their husbands. The types of husbands described in this story can give us wonderful examples as to the type of qualities a husband should seek or avoid. The first five have reprehensible qualities whilst the rest all have laudable qualities.
Wife number one begins by saying; “My husband is like a bony camel’s meat at the top of a rough mountain. Neither is it easy to reach, nor meaty to desire acquiring.” What she means here is that he husband is unapproachable and not welcoming. When she tries to speak to him he does not listen as if she is not there and when she does manage to get heard he has nothing good to say to her. So the wife feels there’s no point, since the effort is not worth it! Hence, he is described like the useless ‘bony camel’s meat at the top of a rough mountain’ which is frankly not worth the trouble.
Wife number two’s husband is so full of defects that she doesn’t know where to start, so in fact she doesn’t! She said; “If I start I fear I will not be able to stop.” Some scholars commented on this by saying the second wife violated her agreement because she had promised to recount all the defects and she did not do that. Anyway, perhaps she felt it was a pointless and time-consuming exercise as the defects were innumerable.
Wife number three says the following about her husband; “If I utter a word, I shall surely be divorced. And if I remain silent, I will be suspended.” In other words we are dealing with a husband who is trigger happy with the divorce button. She lives in a state of constant fear that for smallest thing she may be divorced. That is why in another narration she said; “I am always in such a state as if I am under a sharp sword. I do not know when my affair will come to an end.” She finds herself in an impossible situation. She can’t speak otherwise she fears being divorced but on the other hand if she remains silent she faces the prospect of living in a state where she is neither married nor divorced i.e. in limbo or ‘suspended’ as she puts it. Her husband never complements her, brings her gifts or other such token gesture. Rather he thinks just by giving her food and clothing he has done his duty!
Wife number four describes a husband who is selfish and only thinks about himself. She says; “As for my husband, when he eats he devours everything; when he drinks, he does not leave anything. When he sleeps, he sleeps in his own sheet. He does not even touch me, so that he can know the disturbance in my mind.” So when the food is laid he doesn’t ask his wife to join him and at night he sleeps alone not caring about what she is thinking or feeling.
Wife number five starts by saying; “My husband is extremely helpless and stupid.” And you can see why she describes him this way as she continues, “He would either cut your head, break one of your limbs, or do both to you”. In other words he is a man who severely beats his wife, something which is deplored in Islam unless it was light and for the purpose of discipline when the wife refuses to discharge her marital responsibilities.
Now we come to the next set of husbands who all have good qualities which every husband should aspire to have.
Wife number six extols the praises of her husband with words that are almost poetic! She says; “My husband is like the night of Tihamah (Makkah and its surroundings) – neither hot nor cold. In his company there is neither fear nor boredom” i.e. here is a husband who is approachable and fun to be with unlike the first husband mentioned above. His company is never boring and she feels completely at ease in his presence.
Wife number seven describes a husband who is confident and strong outside in public but gentle at home – not like those husbands who are gentle outside but feared at home. She says; “My husband, when he enters he acts like a (sleepy) leopard; and when he leaves he acts like a lion.”
Wife number eight has a funny way of describing her husband; “As for my husband, his touch is like that of a rabbit” i.e. she means he is gentle and kind!
Wife number nine and ten both have husbands whose qualities are similar and hence I have grouped them together, i.e. they are generous hosts. Wife number ten says of her husband, “He owns camels that are numerous in their sitting places, and few in the grazing areas. When they hear the sound of the lute, they become certain of their death”. I.e. her husband keeps camels near the house and when they hear the lute playing they know they will be slaughtered.
Now we come to wife number eleven, the last of the wives, who is named in the hadith as Umm Zara’. She describes her husband, Abu Zara’, in the following way; “My husband was Abu Zara’ – and what would you know about Abu Zara’! He made my ears heavy with jewellery, filled my upper arms with flesh (fed me well after my previous state of hunger), and honoured me until my soul was gratified. He took me from among a people with very few sheep and tight living, and placed me among a people who had horses, camels, cows. In his house, I spoke without being rebuffed, slept until late-morning and drank my fill.’ As we can see, Abu Zara’ was a generous man who treated Umm Zara’ immeasurably well and clearly he was the best out of the eleven husbands.
But there is a sad twist to this story. After many years of happy marriage Abu Zara’ divorces Umm Zara’ in favour of a younger woman. But even though Umm Zara’ remarries and is treated well by her second husband, she still laments the loss of Abu Zara’. It is at this point that RasoolAllah turns to Aaisha (ra) saying: “O Aaisha! I am to you like Abu Zara’ was to Umm Zara’ – except that Abu Zara’ divorced (her), and I will not divorce you.” Here, RasoolAllah (salAllahu alaihi wasallam) reminds Aaisha of his favours to her which is better than even Abu Zara’ whose divorced wife still felt his loss. Aaisha knew this very well and so it is no surprise that she responded, “O Allah’s Messenger! You are better to me than Abu Zara’ was to Umm Zara’”. [Reported Bukhari, Muslim, an-Nasa`i, at-Tabarani and at-Tirmidhi in his Shama`il with variant wording]
Conclusion
Although this article only focuses on the marital life between spouses there are a whole host of other problems Muslims in Britain and the West face in their social life such as issues of courtship, marriage, divorce, custody, in-law relationships, maintenance and more besides. Increasingly Muslims are being pushed to resolving these problems by adopting western liberal values. Therefore, we need to be alert to the destructive influence of western concepts and criteria in our lives and begin to study the Islamic solutions on the basis of the Islamic criteria.
Finally, marital life is not just about tranquillity in this life. Our fate in the Akhira also depends on us following Allah’s (subhanahu wa ta’aala) commands and prohibitions regarding this issue. Therefore we must seek to ensure we comply with the rules of Islam in order to achieve tranquillity and satisfaction in this life and in the Akhira to save ourselves from the Hellfire and attain everlasting tranquillity in Paradise.
Kamal Abu Zahra
Monday, January 24, 2011
It's Been A Long Week
I'm sorry I haven't been updating lately.
My father-in-law passed away on 19/01/2011 - the week just goes by SO slowly...
His health hasn't been very good for a long time. He leaves behind a wife and a son. I haven't known my father in law very long, only 5 years and a bit. In all the time that i've known him he's been nothing but very kind and thoughtful to me.
Let me give you a bit of background story.
He had his first stroke in 2000 and was left paralysed on his left side. He had renal failure which required him to undergo Dialysis - which he did for the past 8 years. Recently, for a few months now, the pressure sores on his bottom worsened - his GP and his specialist renal Doctor pushed to get him admitted into hospital to get the sores treated.
My son, 5 years of age, was sad to learn that his grandpa had to go into hospital again. We don't know it but somehow kids just know when things are gonna go downhill - they just don't know how to convey it. He was transferred to the wards on Friday afternoon. Saturday came, then Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday. My mother in law and my husband didn't leave the hospital until 9pm on Tuesday night, to make sure he was alright. Otherwise, they would've slept there overnight.
The thing I'm saddened by is that my son wanted to sleep in his grandpa's bed just hours before we learned of his death. Had I known that I wouldn't have yelled at him to come and sleep in his own bed. SubhanAllah, kids just know!
Wednesday 19.01.2011 3am: I heard the phone ringing...I was half-asleep until I heard my mother-in-law yelling at my husband to
answer the phone because she knew it was bad news from the hospital. After waking abruptly, my husband answered the phone: "hello.." "...how's my dad?" "...he's passed away.............." "ok." It took us a while to let it sink in. We were all in shock.
Within 12 hours he was washed, prayed upon, and buried. It was a quick process but one of the longest day in my life. Did I mention how long this week felt?
I lost my grandfather in 2008 and it left me feeling down. So down that I failed one of my Uni exams the following day.
I don't know how my husband is feeling exactly at the moment or what he's going through because I haven't lost a parent yet - but I will have to go through the same thing that he's going right now one day.
My job as a wife, his best friend, and soul mate, right now is to help him get through this. Support him. To let him know he isn't going through this alone.
If you're going through the same thing or similar, be there for them....no matter what.
~Peace.
My father-in-law passed away on 19/01/2011 - the week just goes by SO slowly...
His health hasn't been very good for a long time. He leaves behind a wife and a son. I haven't known my father in law very long, only 5 years and a bit. In all the time that i've known him he's been nothing but very kind and thoughtful to me.
Let me give you a bit of background story.
He had his first stroke in 2000 and was left paralysed on his left side. He had renal failure which required him to undergo Dialysis - which he did for the past 8 years. Recently, for a few months now, the pressure sores on his bottom worsened - his GP and his specialist renal Doctor pushed to get him admitted into hospital to get the sores treated.
My son, 5 years of age, was sad to learn that his grandpa had to go into hospital again. We don't know it but somehow kids just know when things are gonna go downhill - they just don't know how to convey it. He was transferred to the wards on Friday afternoon. Saturday came, then Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday. My mother in law and my husband didn't leave the hospital until 9pm on Tuesday night, to make sure he was alright. Otherwise, they would've slept there overnight.
The thing I'm saddened by is that my son wanted to sleep in his grandpa's bed just hours before we learned of his death. Had I known that I wouldn't have yelled at him to come and sleep in his own bed. SubhanAllah, kids just know!
Wednesday 19.01.2011 3am: I heard the phone ringing...I was half-asleep until I heard my mother-in-law yelling at my husband to
answer the phone because she knew it was bad news from the hospital. After waking abruptly, my husband answered the phone: "hello.." "...how's my dad?" "...he's passed away.............." "ok." It took us a while to let it sink in. We were all in shock.
Within 12 hours he was washed, prayed upon, and buried. It was a quick process but one of the longest day in my life. Did I mention how long this week felt?
I lost my grandfather in 2008 and it left me feeling down. So down that I failed one of my Uni exams the following day.
I don't know how my husband is feeling exactly at the moment or what he's going through because I haven't lost a parent yet - but I will have to go through the same thing that he's going right now one day.
My job as a wife, his best friend, and soul mate, right now is to help him get through this. Support him. To let him know he isn't going through this alone.
If you're going through the same thing or similar, be there for them....no matter what.
~Peace.
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